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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You're still...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JimweiZERO
    Elite Ratio:    5.38 - 1500/844/80
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Love
    Total Views: 1098
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1666



    Description:
       I may still be getting the hang of formatting but what do people think of the song? Going back to my lyrical routes didn't seem such a bad thing after all...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou're still...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I saw you there again today
    Beautiful in every possible way,
    But even in the midst of the crowd
    Your whisper reaches me so loud

    When you speak
    I'm just too far away to understand,
    And when you're there
    I'm afraid to stay and hold your hand,
    It seems we're always gonna be apart
    Yeah

    When you're out of reach
    After all we've been through,
    I'll still be...
    I'll still be thinking about you,
    And when the world is dark
    And I'm too blind to see,
    You'll still be...
    You'll still be beautiful to me

    I knew you once when we were young
    Before all of this song was sung,
    It's in my memory and lost in the past
    But I just can't forget you that fast

    When I see you
    You never seem to look my way,
    And when you're there
    I'm simply too afraid to stay,
    It seems we're always gonna be apart
    Yeah

    When you're out of reach
    After all we've been through,
    I'll still be...
    I'll still be thinking about you,
    And when the world is dark
    And I'm too blind to see,
    You'll still be...
    You'll still be beautiful to me

    And through countless years
    We've conquered them all,
    We pulled ourselves up
    After surviving the fall,
    And I'm still thinking about you
    And you're still beautiful to me...




    Submitted on 2005-06-29 13:39:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well, well I wish I would of read all your writtings before. I am singer well an inspiring singer and I ahve a demo cd but I hae to say this is a really good song I like it ....alot. I am reading all your rights like non-stop right now so you might get alot of them just so your aware. Well anyways good song.
    -Chrisitina
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by POETRY | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really beautiful. Wow two favs adds in one night. anyway this was awesome and some of the simple wording just struck me in an awesome way and added emotion. This was a great write in every aspect...it'd be really cool to hear it but it's one of those where the reader almost can in their head. keep writing.
    !jess
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      hey so sorry it took me so long to check this out. i haven't been on the site in a while cuz i just moved... so yeah the song. very well done my friend. i saw a couple of words or phrases that seem more poetry than song, if that makes sense, but they definately don't hinder the lyric. and of course as you know they need to be heard as well. but my favorite.. my FAVORITE were the last six bars. such a great wrap up. keep em comin'.
    | Posted on 2005-07-23 00:00:00 | by Butterfly Bullets | [ Reply to This ]
      Mr. Zero, this, as always, is another beautiful piece of yours. The chorus, especially cught my eye, and the last line made me smile. How lucky any lady of yours would be:O)

    Onto the piece. I have to admit, the first two stanzas were not near as strong as the rest of the piece. It sounded a bit cliché to start, but at the same time, I dont know how you sing this, and hearing and seeing bring two different sounds. It hasnt been till recently that I've even really been able to comment on lyrics, because its so hard for me to imagine what you're imagining. Still, I think you give a better meaning in everything else but those two stanzas.

    Perhaps, I'm just nitpicking though because its so dern hard for me to find something to say thats not excellent about this piece;O)

    Great jobs as always, kudos to ye.

    -Kayla
    | Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so pretty. It makes me think of the idea that you never stop loving your first love. That they always hold a part of you heart. No matter what or how long, you love them. That's what this makes me think of. I love this!!!
    | Posted on 2005-08-21 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      well it wasnt anther one of those mushy desperate dwelling love songs. i liked they way you repeated 'you stll be..' and letting it fade away. you expressed you feelings in a unique way but some of them seemed dull to me. boring to be specific. made me skip a few lines. .

    I knew you once when we were young
    Before all of this song was sung,
    It's in my memory and lost in the past
    But I just can't forget you that fast

    didnt like this part. didnt give me anything at all.

    but the rest was alright
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      its been really a long time since i visited this site leave alone commented on a song, and one of yours that too! well james, i dont think you should stop writing, cause you write good, really good. i really liked this song, reminds me a lot of 3 doors down. you know you should put music to these songs, i for one would love to listen to them. the best thing about this song was the title, you know there are some words which are very powerful and worth to be repeated, still is one of them. i cant explain it, but yeah...

    good work james. long time...

    Zu
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Zu | [ Reply to This ]
      'I knew you once when we were young'?! You're sixteen! ;-)

    Anyway, I like this, though I always wish I could hear the music when I review lyrics. Nice job here.

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      How sweet! I love the layout, it makes it even more serene and peaceful and SOOTHING. That's what it is, isnt? Love is just so very soothing.
    I love the way you're making these promises with the future in mind. So many people fail to do so.
    Once again, very sweet piece. I loved it.
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by LadyInRed88 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great! Your feelings flow so sweet and pure. I like the pauses in your poem, "I'll still be" and you'll still be. You show compassion and love. Do you compose music? Write music?
    Do you sing? Have you ever thought about being a lyricist? Your poem is asking for music to accompany it. I loved it...keep on writing. Wanda (bigfineq)
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      YAY! a post from james. well u being the very good song writer u are always do a good job! i thought the second line was very sweet. yea so i think u have no reason to think that any of ur songs arent good cuz they all are. well at least the ones ive read. hehe. well message me sometime when ur not busy cuz i talking to ya!

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a really nice song! Full of emotion, you express yourself very well! The rhyme is well done and it all flows really nice too! Very sensitive and sweet too! I enjoyed reading! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      What a great song. I could just see a band like 3 Doors Down singing it. I think you did a very fine job here ma man...so keep it up...have a good one and keep (I just learned how to do that stuff, HA! So pardon me for a while if I am a whore...hee-hee. )
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      This was so sincere. You definitely did a good job at writing this! You made it so that one like me could easily follow along. You have a talent at what you do. Don't let any one tell you otherwise. The whole thing was near perfection. Not too many can properly write lyrics. You did an excellent job!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I haven't read your stuff in, seems like, Forever! Glad to see you're still writing strong!
    I thought it was a good premise for a good song and it reminds me of someone confident enough to get up & perform but is so awestruck they can't approach this 1 person. (I still haven't figured out how to format pieces - I don't know where you put the codes?) Good Job & Great Day! Love,Peace,Joy! epiph
    | Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    10. What would you have done differently?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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