Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Paper Mirrors ( part I )


Author: mcgovern_xiii
ASL Info:    35/M/NewEngland
Elite Ratio:    4.13 - 70 /91 /26
Words: 175
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1030
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 986



Description:


I like the title and the idea behind it just not to crazy about the poem itself wanted to get something down though to see where it might go and thoughts others might have.



Paper Mirrors ( part I )






How do I express my self to you?
My subtle schemes and poetic dreams,
I hide them on pages for all to see.
And I am afraid,
Not of what you might think of me,
but of the man that I know how to be.
The one who spills into my words,
Speaking truths that cut just as deep as any lie.
Intoxicated with arrogance,
But is that not a worthy risk,
when speaking the truth?
I have no answers,
So I hide between the lines
the ugliness that lurks behind my smile,
the beauty that waits behind a frown.
Never knowing which to share
What to say or where,
But it’s there, wearing the hat of a metaphor.
Somewhere between less is more,
I wait for someone to discover,
I wait for someone to see,
That in these paper mirrors
Are all the reflections
Of me.

Terence McGovern




Submitted on 2005-06-29 21:40:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I don't know how much more I can say about this that the first two people that commented didn't already. But I'll try to think of something.

The title intrigued me, and my first thought was that you were referring to your poems as a reflection of you and your feelings. For some poets, the mirror is often cracked or dirty, causing their feelings or "reflection" to be distorted. But you very cleary state your intentions, and how you are afraid of what the "mirror" might portray.

For these lines:

"Not of what you might think of me,
but of the man that I know how to be.
The one who spills into my words,
Speaking truths that cut just as deep as any lie"

I can say this, who we are and who other people think we are isn't always that far apart. In someone else's vision of you, there is bound to be a shred of truth, though it may be very miniscule. To say that you are afraid of "the man you know how to be", to me, sounds more like "I am afraid the man I know how to be is the same man you see me as". Forgive me if that sounds confusing, I only meant that perhaps you are afraid that that part of you that "spills into your words" is what this person will see.

Maybe I should just quit and stop trying to analyze you.

All in all, this was very nicely written, and I shall take a look at part 2. ...bb...

XoXo
~Tayla~
| Posted on 2006-05-11 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good..."Paper Mirrors" first I thought it'd be another looking in the mirror-reflection type of deal...but this was different and good...

"How do I express my self to you?
My subtle schemes and poetic dreams,
I hide them on pages for all to see.
And I am afraid,
Not of what you might think of me,
but of the man that I know how to be."

This is rather good-first assumption would be how people see you-but it's rather of a self-conflict...will you be able to live up to the standards

"I hide them on pages for all to see"

" I have no answers,
So I hide between the lines
the ugliness that lurks behind my smile,
the beauty that waits behind a frown. "

I like how you refer to these lines in the beginning then elaborate on it in the middle...it's true, right-there are people who write but in metaphors or they play around with the words so that only they know what it means (or only a few are able to decipher it)..it's like a silent shout out or confession-you got to read between the lines...

"Never knowing which to share
What to say or where,
But it’s there, wearing the hat of a metaphor.
Somewhere between less is more,
I wait for someone to discover,
I wait for someone to see,
That in these paper mirrors
Are all the reflections
Of me. "

IN a way expressing oneself is probably the most difficult thing to do...I mean not expressing likes or dislikes or what-not-things that are easily reavealed, but like secrets-who you are-and what you're capable of-b/c those are the things that subconsciously or consciously we all fear...to know the truth of ourself...
and I guess when people write a personal secret they usually don't spell it our for the whole world to see-but play around it...misdirect the oblivious reader elsewhere and only those who analyze right could ever know the type of person you are...or what you're capable of...

So I ask you...do you yourself MR. Terence McGovern know who you are-or are you waiting for someone to tell you????

Nice write-
-stacey-
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice. I like your title as well as the metaphor. Poems are like mirrors ... "paper mirrors" ... I'm sure there are things that could be corrected ... nothing is perfect ... but I said, "Wow" right after I finished reading your poem.

The last five lines are really powerful. Maybe that's why I was "wowed" ... I just love that thought. I've never likened poems to mirrors, but I've always known that poems are windows to one's soul. You've captivated this idea really well.

I wonder what will be in part 2?

Reading through it again ...

"Speaking truths that cut just as deep as any lie."

What if you wrote, "deep as lies" instead? I've been trying to sound it out ... just to see if it makes a difference, but I'm not sure.

Also:

"But is that not a worthy risk when speaking the truth?"

This line kind of tripped me up ... I like the line ... the message ... but reading it ... I just had to slow it down ... perhaps the inversion of "is that not" ... I was wondering if a line break would visually help. It'd be like this:

"Speaking truths that cut just as deep as lies.
Intoxicated with arrogance,
But is that not a worthy risk
when speaking the truth?
I have no answers,
So I hide between the lines"

I included the change I mentioned earlier. I don't know if this helps at all ... and perhaps they aren't very good changes, but either way ... I did like this piece. I think I've felt this more often than not ... easier to put it down on paper, than to show the world who I really am.

Patiently waiting for the next part. :-)
| Posted on 2005-06-29 00:00:00 | by Cyntia | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



64782