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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Rocket Sparksdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Astarael
    ASL Info:    18/Girl/Baltimore
    Elite Ratio:    5.28 - 81/88/32
    Words: 162
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 233
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1183



    Description:
       This is how i felt this Fourth of July even though i went to the inner harbor to see the fireworks


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRocket Sparksdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bottlerockets
    Kept dormant;
    Sitting, waiting
    For the 4th of July

    When they burst free
    Of their cardboard shells
    To feel the air
    To see the light.

    You and I
    We sit on the lawn
    Inhaling green smoke
    From the explosion.

    Gunpowder rises.
    Feel the rockets' force
    Shooting from the grass
    One hundred feet in the air.

    These artificial stars
    These givers of light
    Into the summer night;
    Sparks in the sky.

    Bright colors,
    Incandescent hues,
    Take my breath away.
    Take me away.

    I want to burst out
    On a rocket;
    Bright green rocket
    Fly me to the moon.

    I want to see the sky too,
    To feel the wind
    And the stars
    Light up the night.

    Break out of my case,
    Explode in the air,
    Shatter to pieces
    Of shimmering dust.

    Let's turn our bodies
    Into ephemeral sparks
    And glow
    Magnesium and copper.

    You and I
    We illuminate the sky.




    Submitted on 2005-06-29 22:25:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      A thoughtful plea for liberation (on the Fourth of July, no less) played against the limitless expanse of the night sky (as if children were pretending to be skyrockets as they danced in an open field). This was a very innocent write with a simple vocabulary, style and layout (in keeping with theme). I wouldn't change anything. Nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      I noticed that you never capitalized "I." hmmm....

    I honestly thought this was a little choppy, like I had some trouble getting into a rhythm. Whenever I read a poem for the first time, it's like I'm trying to find the rhythm more than reading it.

    But I did like it. I think this is something sort of different for you, more minimalist than usual.

    It reminds me of thise 4th of July that I spent at the beach a few years ago. :)

    love, danielle
    | Posted on 2005-08-16 00:00:00 | by Kalidoscopeeyes | [ Reply to This ]



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