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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Can You Wait For Me?dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: _winky_
    ASL Info:    25/f/minnesota
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 664/529/96
    Words: 181
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1177
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1115



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCan You Wait For Me?dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I close my eyes and see you
    You follow me in my dreams
    Dreams that keep us close together
    And help me get through

    Throughout all this time apart
    A part of you still lives
    Lives deep within my soul
    Taking over my whole heart

    Heartfelt wishes cast unto thee
    Thee only one I call my love
    Love that is pure and untouchable
    You are the fruit of the poisonous tree

    Donít want to break my vows
    Vows I promised to always keep
    Keeping you a secret love
    Well, thatís feelings I canít rouse

    Rousing about within my head
    My head begins to start pounding
    Pounding with every heart beat
    Mystified by the things you said

    You said to me you loved me too
    Too many things got in the way
    The way you always wanted to go
    But always to scared to pursue

    But can you wait until Iím free?
    Free of the vows holding me back
    Back from the only love I want
    Do you think you can wait for me?





    Submitted on 2005-06-30 09:54:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hey winky! Trying to slowly catch up after being on vacation for a while.

    This was so poignant! Torn between two loves. I envision two people who almost connected, but then something intervened, and her life went another direction. Circumstances found her a new Love. Lifelong vows were made.

    Where's this first love? And when he reappears, is it coincidence, is it chance? Are these fantasy thoughts, or are the vows really in danger? I don't think these are questions that should be answered in the poem, the poem's role is to pose the questions -- and I must answer them in my own heart.

    Wink, your writings seem to poke at all the tender joints in relationships. Wow! I feel like I'm getting to a place where I wonder less about whether winky's poem could be improved, and more about this certain "winky" style that just lays it all out on the table -- tender or harsh, silly or macabre -- it's all there, undressed and defenseless, and demanding that the reader to be that vulnerable, too! You're all about people-connections, and that comes through really well here. Great job!

    bent
    | Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by bent | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with Ed...vows are very deep and are a lifetime commitment. Very serious. This poem was very sorrowful. As though it was a major disappointment. Not the poem...the content. When there is pure love...I feel no vows need to be made. They will just exist.

    This was great. Of course...you know I love your work.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I would edit this a bit..there are things like the word "rouse"...you use it at the end of a paragraph and then start the next paragraph with "rousing"...you should try to find a better word right there to avoid the repetition. The rhyme-scheme seemed a bit forced in places...I would consider re-working some of the lines to help it flow more smoothly
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Now you are ina tough position here, vows are until you did or he dies. Now at the time time I am a big believer,that when contantlly breaks the vows and I mean by not loving you and cherishing youand you get to the point of just existing ith each other,the vows are already done.

    I am very glad to see that you have a man who dearly loves you and make your heart skip a beat and at the same time, see you for all that you are worth,which is priceless I may add.

    Very good passionate write here

    I beennaway for about two moths,so i am back and will catch up on all your poetry I have missed.
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem! Boy, that is a tough and sucky situation! I cant say I relate personally as I have never been married but I can imagine and its gotta be really hard! The poem is good, well written with nice flow! My heart goes out to the parties involved! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Awww... that was so sad. Was he liked married to someone else, but he or she loved someone else. That final line of the final stanza was so sad. Aw... it made me feel so sad, because he/she was talking about how beautiful and lovely she was, but he/she didn't know if he would wait for her. Maybe it's only me, but I thought it was really sad. Great job.
    Peace and love,
    Aya
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      i would hate to be caught in a situation like this...caught between two loves. Unfortunately i have never been in love, and quite frankly im only 18 which means i am far too young to think of such things. i would just kill me to be married to someone but fall for another during the process and yet you dont want to let go of the first. For sure something like this, one wont last. Anyways this is good...i find the subject always intriguing and i dont know why. The one thing that got me was that she wanted her secret lover to wait. And the sad part is what if he did. What if her first love didnt want to let go "till death" did they part. Then the secret lover would never taste the sweet flavor of holding his love...gheesh that is too sad for me. A very touching subject. This is good. Thanks for sharing

    Later Day
    Tracey
    | Posted on 2005-08-05 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]


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