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Tannu


Author: Ramneet
ASL Info:    33/F/Boston
Elite Ratio:    2.94 - 272 /107 /55
Words: 85
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1679
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 543



Description:


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Tannu



A new born baby with a angelic face,
born on a lucky day at a lucky place.

A God's blessing,
Janabji's prayer,
A Gift for all,
Happiness of everyday,
Lucky for all,
Promise of tomorrow,
Dream of yesterday.


"Tannu is my niece.Her real name is Tanya.I sometimes call her Tannu.She is really very cute little doll.I really love her very much.I have used a word Janabji in the poem who is our Guru.I hope you will enjoy the poem."




Submitted on 2005-06-30 14:00:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  This is sweet and loving! I believe the spirit of an Angel dwells with a child giving it radiance and compelling us to embrace it with love and utmost compassion and care!

| Posted on 2011-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
  The poem is short and it IS very lovely...it is difficult to give much criticism beyond this as it is very, very short...in line one it should read "an angelic.." rahter than "a angelic"... again, a lovely little poem ... bravo .... bravo ... bravo...
| Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this write very much
One cant help but feel the Love you have for your niece
All I can say is she is one very lucky little girl
It sounds like she has a very loving family unit that will help her move forward in life
I hope you share this write with her when she is old enough to understand
Beautiful Work
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I can relate with your writing. I reminds me of my little girls when they were born. Sincerity in your writing is unquestionable, because its personal to you.

First two lines looks like an intro. Thou related with the next lines, it kinda lost the flow. Short and sweet, it wouldnt hurt to add more to sustain your clamatic endind lines.

Thanks for reminding me with your poem. I just need to look for the one I made for my kid while waiting for her to be born.
| Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by wakethedead | [ Reply to This ]
  Sweet.

Did you try breaking the first to lines into smaller chunks? I like the way it reads that way.

A new born baby
with a angelic face,
born on a lucky day
at a lucky place.

Do you need the passive voice in these lines?
Promise of tomorrow,
Dream of yesterday.

Maybe:
Promised tomorrows,
Dreaming yesterday.

I like it the way it is. Just throwing out a different way of looking at it.
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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