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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tannudots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Ramneet
    ASL Info:    33/F/Boston
    Elite Ratio:    2.99 - 262/107/52
    Words: 85
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1022
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 543



    Description:
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    dotsTannudots
    -------------------------------------------


    A new born baby with a angelic face,
    born on a lucky day at a lucky place.

    A God's blessing,
    Janabji's prayer,
    A Gift for all,
    Happiness of everyday,
    Lucky for all,
    Promise of tomorrow,
    Dream of yesterday.


    "Tannu is my niece.Her real name is Tanya.I sometimes call her Tannu.She is really very cute little doll.I really love her very much.I have used a word Janabji in the poem who is our Guru.I hope you will enjoy the poem."




    Submitted on 2005-06-30 14:00:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is sweet and loving! I believe the spirit of an Angel dwells with a child giving it radiance and compelling us to embrace it with love and utmost compassion and care!

    | Posted on 2011-03-06 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      The poem is short and it IS very lovely...it is difficult to give much criticism beyond this as it is very, very short...in line one it should read "an angelic.." rahter than "a angelic"... again, a lovely little poem ... bravo .... bravo ... bravo...
    | Posted on 2007-03-12 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed this write very much
    One cant help but feel the Love you have for your niece
    All I can say is she is one very lucky little girl
    It sounds like she has a very loving family unit that will help her move forward in life
    I hope you share this write with her when she is old enough to understand
    Beautiful Work
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I can relate with your writing. I reminds me of my little girls when they were born. Sincerity in your writing is unquestionable, because its personal to you.

    First two lines looks like an intro. Thou related with the next lines, it kinda lost the flow. Short and sweet, it wouldnt hurt to add more to sustain your clamatic endind lines.

    Thanks for reminding me with your poem. I just need to look for the one I made for my kid while waiting for her to be born.
    | Posted on 2005-09-18 00:00:00 | by wakethedead | [ Reply to This ]
      Sweet.

    Did you try breaking the first to lines into smaller chunks? I like the way it reads that way.

    A new born baby
    with a angelic face,
    born on a lucky day
    at a lucky place.

    Do you need the passive voice in these lines?
    Promise of tomorrow,
    Dream of yesterday.

    Maybe:
    Promised tomorrows,
    Dreaming yesterday.

    I like it the way it is. Just throwing out a different way of looking at it.
    | Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]


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