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when it rains


Author: Day DreaMeR
ASL Info:    19/F/somewhere
Elite Ratio:    6.23 - 853 /408 /53
Words: 15
Class/Type: Haiku /
Total Views: 1597
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 94



Description:


yea my 2nd shot at a haiku. soo yea i decided to write about rain n stuff cuz it hasnt rained down here at all and i really miss rain cuz i like it when it rains. HONEST FEEDBACK PLEASE!


when it rains



Darkened skies above
The rains sweet scent fills the air
as drops hit the ground




Submitted on 2005-06-30 18:34:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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4: Pretty cool
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Comments


  A Haiku is a three-line Japanese verse form. The first and third lines of a haiku have five syllables. The second line has seven syllables. The brief form is designed to arouse a specific emotion or suggest an insight about life.

That said you did a decent job here. I must say though that you have the most interesting use of words I have ever seen, ever. You literally had seven words in your second line, each one syllable. Thats just so creative. Thumbs up for that.

Keep up the good work
This was very good for a second attempt at a rather difficult form.

Take care

Later
Jason

Crystal clear waters
Run into endless valleys
With God's living flow

My first ever haiku
| Posted on 2006-05-20 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this, decent haiku. Even though this is the second one I have every read...hehe... it sounded good.

Nicole
| Posted on 2006-06-11 00:00:00 | by Dragon of Roses | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi
Since you have read and commented on so many of my writes you probably know by know that to me the rain is the greatest thing in the world
I Love The Rain!
It helps a restless soul relax so much
And its flow is just so peaceful and calming
Theres nothing I look forward to more than a good thunderstorm


I was really happy to hear from you again hope evreything is going well
The answer to your question about 2 writes is I just wake up with the ideas in my head and instantly I have to reach for a cup of tea and my writting pad

You take care of yourself
God Bless
Ron
| Posted on 2005-11-05 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  short and sweet of course...i personally enjoyed it because when its raining, it the most calming and peaceful time for me. i loved it.
| Posted on 2005-10-06 00:00:00 | by CompletelyME | [ Reply to This ]
  This haiku was VERY well written. I loved it. I don't know what else to say. I do think that this could be altered into an AWESOME poem though!
| Posted on 2005-09-30 00:00:00 | by miss__smiles | [ Reply to This ]
  It paints the picture it intended in the syllables allowed. I would say you are doing alright for your second shot. I am looking forward to seeing more of your work.
| Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Tarwen Nevle | [ Reply to This ]
  it's very straightforward and that may be a good or a bad thing because maybe you should have us think more? but haikus are limiting so i still think this is a great one.
| Posted on 2005-07-31 00:00:00 | by LoneWolf | [ Reply to This ]
  well i've read both of your haikus...first off i'm not really into them in general...so its hard to say i like it...there are just few people i've read that are really able to capture everything in such few words...haikus are hard to write...andi just feel...both of them could defently be extended cause they i dont know...i dont think they stand well as haikus but thas just my opinion...i'm just happy to see you posting...noodles and sour patch...me
| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  Sweet and to the point. But I cant help not feeling it. The trick in a haiku is to be profoundly emotional even with the limitations. Use a more dynamic and emotional range of words. Otherwise, good job
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by azeremen12 | [ Reply to This ]
  i loved it. I love the sound of rain. Yeah it might be short, but this is good
you know how to make something short mean allot
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
  I LOVE it when it rains, like Garbage said "I'm only happy when it rains" I like to walk in the rain & think about me, my life & past & future, nice Hiaku keep up the good work peace & stay safe...
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it. I love rain.
I don't have much more to say. Haikus are fun.
This is the worst comment I've ever made.
lies
P.S. Making it a longer poem would be a nice idea but I likeit as is. Sweet and to the point.
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by Lies | [ Reply to This ]
  I like it ...but sense i'm being honest
it would be awesome if you added more-all in haiku. you know like a poem made completely out of haikus...about rain. that would be really cool. However i do like this...you said a lot within three lines. good job
tracey
| Posted on 2005-06-30 00:00:00 | by fiery_eyes | [ Reply to This ]


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