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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Requiem for an Overturedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: amun
    Elite Ratio:    6.53 - 31/14/9
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1075
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 736



    Description:
       it's all there


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRequiem for an Overturedots
    -------------------------------------------


    You know it's over
    when her note begins:
    "Hey there...
    To have loved her from afar,
    spirit warrior named me
    learning lessons of unattachment,
    witness the fullness of her life and love.
    My heart is wet and moist with tears
    and plays a requiem as truth
    upon my overture
    of love's beginning.

    She makes more reasons and friends
    not to leave the life she has.
    It just makes me feel alone
    as I watch time go by,
    like she has my heart
    in some wooden box,
    a trophy, a prize she's won...

    and brings it out to play sometimes.










    Submitted on 2005-07-01 01:32:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Your style reminds me a lot of nansofast.

    "Hey there...
    To have loved her from afar,
    spirit warrior named me
    learning lessons of unattachment,
    witness the fullness of her life and love.
    My heart is wet and moist with tears
    and plays a requiem as truth
    upon my overture
    of love's beginning.

    The "everything is bigger than us" feel is what reminds me of her work. You should check her out; you too are kindred souls.

    This is really bitter; I hope you can find some closure.

    Peace,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2005-09-11 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      your style is eerily familiar...

    it is indeed a shame when you feel someone has taken your heart as a trophy, a prize. love is too precious for this. personally, i would never take love like that, for my love has always been true where it lives in my heart.

    stay golden,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-09-09 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I usueally don't read others comments to posts, but the line 'spirit warrior named me' caught my eye.

    I actually really liked those two lines. I think this piece has a slow song feel ot it. Almost as if time has slowed with the opening of the letter. I could almost feel the slow dread that creeps into the lit up places in the heart when you know bad news is coming.

    The only suggestion that I would comfortable giving would be to use some capitolization. (I'm one of those crazy anal people...hehe)

    Other than that I really liked this piece.
    Thanks for sharing,
    -Chell-
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]
      'spirit warrior named me'

    'not to leave the love she has'

    I felt out of this whole poem that these two lines were weak and could somehow be improved, but with the same idea runnning through it. I think it's something to do with the syntax of these two lines, I'm not quite too sure.

    This piece had a slow rolling wave sort of feel to it. It seemed like a nice take on the classic 'Hey John' letter, and how you feel about romance moving on to be replaced with different feelings. Like you want to try over again or something, I'm not sure, that is just my opinion.
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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