Love or Friendship? by Wolfeye

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Submission Name: Love or Friendship? dots

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Author:	Wolfeye_666
ASL Info:	14/M/Canada
Elite Ratio:	6.53 - 140/112/21
Words:	114

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	398
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	687

Description:
I'd just like to know what r ur feelings, and what advice could u give me.

Love or Friendship? dots

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I think of her when I go to sleep,
it can last 5 minutes,
or it can last 1 hour,

I think of her when I'm lonly,
I think of her when I am bored,
Why do I always think of her?

Well love is a great mystery,
And friendship is another thing,

So until I decide I will like her,
and when I'll decide I'll talk to her,

I really want to know,
Is there anyone who could help?
Help a boy understand what his feelings are?

Well I hope there is,
Because when he'll know he will feel better.
But until then he will be miserable.

Submitted on 2005-07-01 07:03:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i agree with everyone else: the poem just didn't really flow. It's not too bad though, aside from that. To be thinking this deeply...wow. I feel the same way sometimes, when i'm almost asleep and a guy pops into my head, and i think about how he smiled at me that day, and i smile, thinking how nice it would be to sit down and have a conversation or something.

Anyways, it's actually quite good, and a good way to get out all of your thoughts. So keep your thoughts coming and let em all out.

peace!
*darkwinged*
| Posted on 2006-02-03 00:00:00 | by darkwinged | [ Reply to This ]
  this was a really good thought but it just didn't flow, it wasn't poetic...maybe u should put it in the deep thought or story catogory? I can relate to this one...well talking about a dude tho lol. but I really like how we think so similarly and your expression is really easy to relate to...so this was a while ago...what became of this?
peace
| Posted on 2006-01-29 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
  No flow= no poetry... There HAS to be a flow. Flowing doesn't necessarily mean rhyming each line. You should wait a couple of years and let something happen in life and then start writing again.
| Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Saaber | [ Reply to This ]
  this is good but the flow of the poem could be better and i am sure you could correct that, if you wish. but i cna greatly relate to your problem and your feelings here cause i recently went through the same thing and still kind of am its gets better and it gets worse. it takes turns that you wouldnt exspect just be ready and dont lt it get to you. just be the best you can be. keep up the good work!
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by bleedinbabygrl8 | [ Reply to This ]
  hi if anything i no wat this poem means i get it ok u should check out my poem love and lose ok it sayz almost wat your going threw
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ]
  this was really good for your age. but it could flow a little better its kinda choppy at some parts but ur only 13 so you have like forever to improve your writing!
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
  you have a really good grip and concept at your age. its really amazing.
again, i love the concept of this. its a really important thing. this poem just didnt seem to flow though.
it had more depth then the other though. so i know you are improving already.

alot of people say revise things.. but if you do.. then i wouldnt take this poem and re-write it.. take the concept and re-write it.
also.. try just reading it slowly.. read the words. sometimes we read what we want to hear because we know what we are trying to say.
reading slowly then make some small changes to make it flow better.

'I think of her when I go to sleep,
it can last 5 minutes,
or it can last 1 hour, '

dont always use so many words.. sometimes you can cut back on them and still make the same impression but make it flow better.
so look at it.. see how you can re-write it to make it read better. how you can feel this more.
it seems like your writting out your feelings really well. you just need to put them together better.
reading other poeples works is great. it really tells you and shows you what your looking for.

this form was good. i really like it. its simple but still really effective.
and i really like the fact that you tryed to do a non-rhyming poem. it can be harder to get together but it will help you alot in the end.

you did a great job on this. it could use some work but you have already improved since last time. so i know it will not be long before you blow us all away.-
jennifer
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]

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