Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: xtremegentleman
ASL Info:    22/m/FL
Elite Ratio:    3.57 - 595 /778 /82
Words: 245
Class/Type: Poetry /
Total Views: 3004
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1636


This poem is about the relationship between a man and a bottle of alcohol. It sad because both parties get hurt in the end...


You grab me tightly by my waist
As if I am some sort of whore
Penetrating me with your issues
Pouring tears into my tight opening
While taking all of what has been poured into me

Once you've gotten what you want
You leave me, tossing me aside
Causing me embarassment
Treating me like trash
Until you are ready to ejaculate your soul into me again

You yearn for this poison that I house
It penetrates you, marching into your kidneys and liver
Scarring your organs as it covers up the mental scars you've acquired
But only for a moment...
You'll call me again

You're addicted to my poison
My fluids place you under the influence
And you can't control me
I can't control you either
So we fight each other internally

I have realized that it is not my slim waist that attracts you
It is not my plunging neck line that has interested you
I thought you loved me!--The way we kissed
The times we've spent together
All the "ice" that you've bought me...

All A Lie! You've never wanted me!
You've only wanted one thing!
And once you get it you take off
Leaving me lonely once again!
Tossed on the side of the road

I cry...
Even though we'll be back together
I cry...
We bottles don't perspire...
We cry...
As you grab me by my waist yet again
I cry...

Submitted on 2005-07-01 07:31:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  interesting... i liked he comparions, and you made it flow well... I'm not sure if this line fits... too much of a woman instead of the bottle.. although I like the ice part.. but not the bought that goes with it...
I thought you loved me!--The way we kissed
The times we've spent together
All the "ice" that you've bought me...
| Posted on 2005-10-13 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
  Pretty deep. Myself being a recovering drug addict, I got a lot out of it. I know EXACTLY how it feels, when drugs(including alcohol) just take you by the waist. You cry inside, knowing what it's doing to you.. But hey, you do it anyways. Insanity, my friend Awesome write, I like the way you wrote it.
| Posted on 2005-09-27 00:00:00 | by Lil Nick | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, that was definitely unexpected.
Very original way to tackle an old subject. I like how you did this from the bottle's perspective, and the double speak/inuendo made this a great piece.

You're addicted to my poison
My fluids place you under the influence
And you can't control me
I can't control you either
So we fight each other internally

That has to be my favorite stanza. What a way to put into words the war that people fight with alcohol. Fantastic.
Traci :)
| Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by onetruesmartass | [ Reply to This ]
  Well, this is really something. Who (but you) would have ever thought of writing about the effects of alcohol, from the bottles point of view? And the sexual inuendos all in between the lines. Very clever!
All said and done, it gets the point across.
Nice work!
| Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
  I just came by to look at this...funny thing is that...I read it a while ago and thought that I had commented on it! MY BAD WOADY!

This was interesting. A bottle that feels abused and loved. And even the bottle knows that enough is enough.

Great job X. I liked it!

Keep it up!

Li Li
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
  You get a standing ovation from me on this totally awesome poem. I so love the creative part in this poem,mixing and protraying a bottle as a women and the emotional relationship betwen a man and a women,though dark in this poem,but honest when things are going like crap.

I just have to add this one to my fav

You should be very proud of yourself with this excellent write

| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
  X this was very friggin great. I really liked how you got the bottle to be feminine and the drinker/reader (man or woman) can totally relate. What a powerful write. (look at me, saying this as I am drinking a beer, HA!) Yes very well written and a very poignant message. Have a good one and keep smilin'
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
  the thing that stuck with me most was some wording in your first stanza

Pouring tears into my tight opening

i think tight has conations of virginity... and more over or rape i think

that to me was amazing...great wording there

the poem as a whole was very good...

i dont have much else to say... most of it has already been covered seeing as this alread has a bunch of comments

but i like it

on the flipside
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I love this double-meaning you've got going on! The symbolism, a bottle of alcohol, a used woman. And in both cases it's like they're looking beyond each other to get what they think they need. This is deep, I'll bet it sounds good recited. Great job!
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
  this was interesting if i didnt read the description i would have thought it was about a man and a woman. and how she or he feels used. by the other person. so it was very interesting i liked it alot. great job
| Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  such an interesting gave life to it. lol, we never get to hear the beer's side of the story. great job. you grabbed with the language you used to describe the paracitic relationship betwen the two. nice work~nahlij
| Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Aknahlij_d 1 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow X!!!! I'm totally speechless. This is so creative. You speak your mind in this one it seems. I like how it was the bottle of alchol talking...that was really unique. Great job on this one. It was well written...and not a think I would change at all.

Talk to ya l8er

| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by MiKkI25 | [ Reply to This ]
  This was a great way to present the relationship, however dysfuntional between a person and their "poison".
I really thought it unique how you made the bottle with a feminine quality and how the bottle thinks it's love.
Well done and good point in the process!
Love,Peace,Joy and Happy 4th! epiph ; }
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, this was such an abstract way to put the relationship between an alcoholic and the bottle. i mean, wow, i wouldn't change anything.. it is intense, and kind of sexual in a crazy way..
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by fallingingreen | [ Reply to This ]
  at first i would have never thought that this was a relationship between a drunk and his beer bottle it seems so sexual i know its about an alcoholic and his beer but it reminds me so much about the relationship between a man and a woman he cares nothing for i liked it good job
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by sweetrstangel18 | [ Reply to This ]
  this was really so creative.
it really was something that i dont think alot of people could come up with.

the relationship between alcohol and its addict.
what happens to it.. the bottle and the man.
how they both long for each other.
how they help and hurt each other.
it really was amazingly done.

really well written.
the form was good. and your discriptions were so real.
making it all the more powerful.
you really did portray this perfectly.
great job!
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! This is good. You speak of the pain, hurt and rejection. All in all, it's a two way street. Both are addicted to each other. They crave the raw passions each have to give. Like a love hate relationship. They can't do without each other. A co-dependency of a sexual need.
Great job! Wanda
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
  Really nice write! I enjoyed reading this very much! I like how you speak as the bottle, giving its' point of view. I like how you used "ice" as symbolism, it's great! Only a couple of things here, no "e" on waist and thought in the 5th stanza. Otherwise this is just great! Really good stuff!
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow...I'm impressed with this write. The desperation you conveyed between the two was awesome. The power of the words you chose really put a strong punch to this piece! This is a sad and unfortunate reality that too many people face. This was from a very interesting point of view...and I thoroughly enjoyed it!
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?