They gaze into mine
Filled with longing for what he believes is not there,
But it is.
Filled with an emotion I cannot describe
Holding my gaze for longer than nessesary,
But not long enough.
That are trying to say something,
But is it the words I wish to hear?
The words i have waited for for so long?
The ones I have learned to love so much
Carry no hatred
Pouring tears I wish to wipe away
with a finger, touch his lips and say
The ones belonging to the one who I love
More than life itself
Though he may never know it.
Eyes that carry only a few words,
Like a whisper in the wind, or a tear on a cheek,
I love you, and always will.
| This was really good. Your repeated us of "Cerulean eyes" really leads us into the haunting, fixing quality of your lover's eyes. Very effective!|
A couple of nitpicky typoes:
Nessesary should be necessary
Ceurlean (in one place) should be Cerulean.
One other thing to consider. Cerulean is not a common word, at least I had to look it up. I certainly wouldn't change it, as it gives your poem distinction and a lot of power. It might be possible, though, to get another more common word in early though, explaining what cerulean means. ie.
The color of sky, they gaze into mine
Filled with longing for what he believes is not there,"
Just an idea,
|| Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ] || Ah, to get lost in his eyes. I've been there |
I enjoyed reading this. Maybe the title should be Cerulean Eyes. You expressed your thoughts well and had me "feeling it" as I read along.
|| Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ] || hi its a good poem i like the repition of "cerulean eyes" it gives the poem sort of a hook i guess i can relate thx fer the crituque of love and lose||| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by dismal_s child | [ Reply to This ] |