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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: King of the Eyesoresdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1488
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 418



    Description:
       The last city standing is the "king" because a single bacterium wouldn't be much with which to deal. This was inspired by a line in "New Slang" by the Shins. Amy


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsKing of the Eyesoresdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Bacteria settled painfully in my eyes
    in reddened sties, they made cities,
    tiny pueblos around my lashes.
    Quarrels arose between the colonies.
    Vanquished masses disappeared
    until one settlement arose
    an excruciating victor--
    the king of the eyesores
    reigns even as I speak,
    but I know all must fall
    even this ocular Babylon.






    Submitted on 2005-07-01 19:20:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This was such an original piece, reading a lot into it. Very clever in conveying message through out the piece.

    tiny pueblos around my lashes
    quarrels arose between the colonies

    I like this idea of conflict in the midst of cummulation. A very natural observation that fit in very well.

    The piece was organic in structure.
    Very nice write, very enjoyable to read.

    Thanks for sharing.
    Lovely day wishes.
    | Posted on 2011-09-15 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      literal eyesores and figurative eyesores...wonderful metaphor here--

    and as always you carry it throughout the poem...always such symmetry to your work---

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-07-25 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      This was great! Lol, it actually reminds me of the main character in Angela's Ashes, cus he had some eye conjunctivtis or something, but yeah...the poem was good, and I liked how it reminded me of other things ...Keep writing

    -Nichole
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by fallenpopcorn10 | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL that's brilliant! You have a knack for illustration and metaphore. I hope your eyes are feeling better! It's well written and quite humourous. ?Thanks for sharing
    | Posted on 2005-09-19 00:00:00 | by cainboy | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah, I got pink-eye on Monday, so I know how you feel. MASS ANNIHILATION!

    The poem's pretty good too. Gotta go, it's time for my drops... ;-)

    Peace,

    Joey
    | Posted on 2005-07-27 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      tee hee. Light and tidy and super delightful. That is really all I want to say about this one, but do you think this Nazi of a box would let me get away with that. Damn box.

    I think eye infections are yucky.

    xo
    R.
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Magnolia | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny and simple. I like it. I guess if you can still see a sense of energetic wonder in the world with an eye infection without moaning and groaning you must have a pretty good life. A strange way to write a life afirming poem :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-24 00:00:00 | by kanu | [ Reply to This ]
      I enjoyed that. Great metaphors and imagery for an eyesore. I lived it. I love it when I live a poem :). Hope you well hun love much
    | Posted on 2005-07-21 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      word play aplenty and carried out with great consistency and your typical brilliance. Your command of the English language is unsurpassed and you show it here. Very clever and imaginative. In short - everything that I expect to read when I come to your page.

    Sorry I've been away so long but I'm back now and happy as hell I stopped here first.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by deadndreaming | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that as long as you write, and post, I will have to churn out the same 'I love your work' until it sounds stale - but I mean it every single time.
    It's amazing the way you take something commonplace and give it a fresh twist, some interesting perspective. Like this eyesore. Damn,I wish I could write like you write!
    The first four lines are so funny and silly (silly-good,not silly-bad), they're my favorites.
    Here it goes again - I love your work. Don't forget to let me know when you've had your work published!
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      THis was great...a wise soul once told me this...

    "Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have"

    Your poem reminded me of that...kinda silly but yeah, this was lovely.A definate enjoyable read.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      "Ocular Babylon"...that's great...reminds me of the civilization Lisa Simpson created with a tooth, coke, and static electricity...remember that one.

    What a creative idea. Kind of makes you think about that whole idea of a universe being inside a single atom...or maybe we're a universe inside a big huge "earth's" atom...blows your mind a bit.

    I also enjoyed the line
    "reddened sties, they made cities"...Just the similar sounds and looks of these words...and the use of "made"...as if they made cities out of sties...but anyway...cool little thing in there...

    Good one.
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by marysunshine | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm well as i just bought that album and love that song, the title caught my eye (ahem...sorry).
    hmm...well i'll just say what i got out of it.
    first of all, the shins rock.
    taken literally this piece is one of little importance. someone complaining poetically about an eye infection. but the social commentary within is very interesting in such a context - the colonization and imperialism of a foreign space, the rise and fall of empires, and calling the vast urbanized "victor" an eyesore through this metaphor. and the reference to babylon and how even this masterful /bacterial architecture will be destroyed as if it were nothing.
    as far as style and such, it was a bit hard to get into. the read was rocky, but mercifully short and said much with little, no filler or rambling on. the rhyme scheme seems complex to me... it's based on half-lines not whole which is interesting but it just stops halfway through. i did enjoy it, and have no sugestions on how to fix it. as a social statement, i find it without flaw. and i guess i'll just take it as that.
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by lukewarm | [ Reply to This ]
      The language here is wonderful, I think this is the smoothest read I've ever seen from you. I love the microcosmic reign of a civilization happening and even as our eyes see, things more important happen beyond our sight. We look but don't see,
    give thanks when it's too late, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and entire cities live and die...right in our eyes?
    Very clever write, Amy thanks for sharing.
    love and hugs,
    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      You know I'm a huge fan of your work but I had some trouble connecting to this piece, whether as social commentary or simple observation, I guess something failed to resonate here, and it could simply be the subject matter or imagery. I don't know. I'm sorry, you know I usually like to leave better feedback but I hate to read something and NOT comment, so let me just leave it at that and I'll move onto something completely different!

    I almost want to say my interpretation of this is a bad case of pinkeye, but that's too horrible to contemplate! THAT must be it. The idea of bacteria on your lashes, hahaha, well, you know I'm something of a romantic and that made me shiver!
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
      Brilliantly unique. You always come up with the oddest topics and write the most amazing poetry about them. This poem carries the reader on a wildly imaginative trip where rulers fall and empires are ruined at a wink... captivating stuff!
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Beulah | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this piece as a commentor, judge, and a peer. I mean this is a really good piece. Not one of those "I cut myself ever night and no one likes me" poems that we see every effing day. but, I mean this is just really really good. I won't be picky because I couldn't find anything wrong... okay maybe the fact that I have a thing for very long poetry and I think that this poem should be a little longer and... ok I think that it should just be longer. Anyway wonderful poem and I am adding it to my favorites. THNX

    - Nammy
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is proof that you are an amazing writer. Truly one of a kind. You can make anything sound interesting and intriquing. Honestly I didn't know that bacterium could be used as a good subject to write about and you proved me wrong! I like that this flows smooth and keeps the same intesity throughout it. I like the idea of one king bacteria emerges. :) Great job!
    -blt

    Sry if my comments are a little off. I'm spacey tonight. :S
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      hm...this is both metaphorical, and somehow literal simultaneously. I'm imagining both the rise of human civilization and the growing of a cyst or sty on the eye. Neat
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      this poem was pretty cool... i enjoyed they way it was like a story and a poem at the same time... i have not read many like this... it was good... i hope to read more from you sometime... enjoy
    | Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      first off i love the shins! and this made an whatever was goin on with your eye seem much more interesting than it probably was. great imagery, i loved it!
    -steph
    | Posted on 2005-08-07 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      This made me laugh. Just picturing a person with this...rare disorder...LMFAO! Sorry.

    The description you use really amazes me. You have such a way with your words. Not many poets can pull in so much detail and not lose the reader. You have a talent above and beyond many others.

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


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