Description: The last city standing is the "king" because a single bacterium wouldn't be much with which to deal. This was inspired by a line in "New Slang" by the Shins. Amy
King of the Eyesores -------------------------------------------
Bacteria settled painfully in my eyes
in reddened sties, they made cities,
tiny pueblos around my lashes.
Quarrels arose between the colonies.
Vanquished masses disappeared
until one settlement arose
an excruciating victor--
the king of the eyesores
reigns even as I speak,
but I know all must fall
even this ocular Babylon.
This was great! Lol, it actually reminds me of the main character in Angela's Ashes, cus he had some eye conjunctivtis or something, but yeah...the poem was good, and I liked how it reminded me of other things ...Keep writing
Funny and simple. I like it. I guess if you can still see a sense of energetic wonder in the world with an eye infection without moaning and groaning you must have a pretty good life. A strange way to write a life afirming poem :)
word play aplenty and carried out with great consistency and your typical brilliance. Your command of the English language is unsurpassed and you show it here. Very clever and imaginative. In short - everything that I expect to read when I come to your page.
Sorry I've been away so long but I'm back now and happy as hell I stopped here first.
I think that as long as you write, and post, I will have to churn out the same 'I love your work' until it sounds stale - but I mean it every single time. It's amazing the way you take something commonplace and give it a fresh twist, some interesting perspective. Like this eyesore. Damn,I wish I could write like you write! The first four lines are so funny and silly (silly-good,not silly-bad), they're my favorites. Here it goes again - I love your work. Don't forget to let me know when you've had your work published!
"Ocular Babylon"...that's great...reminds me of the civilization Lisa Simpson created with a tooth, coke, and static electricity...remember that one.
What a creative idea. Kind of makes you think about that whole idea of a universe being inside a single atom...or maybe we're a universe inside a big huge "earth's" atom...blows your mind a bit.
I also enjoyed the line "reddened sties, they made cities"...Just the similar sounds and looks of these words...and the use of "made"...as if they made cities out of sties...but anyway...cool little thing in there...
hmmm well as i just bought that album and love that song, the title caught my eye (ahem...sorry). hmm...well i'll just say what i got out of it. first of all, the shins rock. taken literally this piece is one of little importance. someone complaining poetically about an eye infection. but the social commentary within is very interesting in such a context - the colonization and imperialism of a foreign space, the rise and fall of empires, and calling the vast urbanized "victor" an eyesore through this metaphor. and the reference to babylon and how even this masterful /bacterial architecture will be destroyed as if it were nothing. as far as style and such, it was a bit hard to get into. the read was rocky, but mercifully short and said much with little, no filler or rambling on. the rhyme scheme seems complex to me... it's based on half-lines not whole which is interesting but it just stops halfway through. i did enjoy it, and have no sugestions on how to fix it. as a social statement, i find it without flaw. and i guess i'll just take it as that.
The language here is wonderful, I think this is the smoothest read I've ever seen from you. I love the microcosmic reign of a civilization happening and even as our eyes see, things more important happen beyond our sight. We look but don't see, give thanks when it's too late, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and entire cities live and die...right in our eyes? Very clever write, Amy thanks for sharing. love and hugs, Nan
You know I'm a huge fan of your work but I had some trouble connecting to this piece, whether as social commentary or simple observation, I guess something failed to resonate here, and it could simply be the subject matter or imagery. I don't know. I'm sorry, you know I usually like to leave better feedback but I hate to read something and NOT comment, so let me just leave it at that and I'll move onto something completely different!
I almost want to say my interpretation of this is a bad case of pinkeye, but that's too horrible to contemplate! THAT must be it. The idea of bacteria on your lashes, hahaha, well, you know I'm something of a romantic and that made me shiver!
Brilliantly unique. You always come up with the oddest topics and write the most amazing poetry about them. This poem carries the reader on a wildly imaginative trip where rulers fall and empires are ruined at a wink... captivating stuff!
I like this piece as a commentor, judge, and a peer. I mean this is a really good piece. Not one of those "I cut myself ever night and no one likes me" poems that we see every effing day. but, I mean this is just really really good. I won't be picky because I couldn't find anything wrong... okay maybe the fact that I have a thing for very long poetry and I think that this poem should be a little longer and... ok I think that it should just be longer. Anyway wonderful poem and I am adding it to my favorites. THNX
This is proof that you are an amazing writer. Truly one of a kind. You can make anything sound interesting and intriquing. Honestly I didn't know that bacterium could be used as a good subject to write about and you proved me wrong! I like that this flows smooth and keeps the same intesity throughout it. I like the idea of one king bacteria emerges. :) Great job! -blt
Sry if my comments are a little off. I'm spacey tonight. :S