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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Streamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dipsomniac
    Elite Ratio:    3.47 - 59/70/18
    Words: 178
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 734
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1080



    Description:
       This is a stream of consciousness write, hence the sort of surreal, non-linear, non-themed feel. Take what you will from it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStreamdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Drink up and letís leave
    On the last boat out of this place
    Itís going to take us off to nothing
    Where we can just be us

    Care for some light?
    All empty in here, far from it all

    Carry it away, deep into the shadow
    Where it canít come out and reach us
    Or touch us and turn our souls to dust

    She was feeling so thrilled when
    The stars fell from her heaven
    Passed through my soul
    And kept me alive

    This is not the end, Iíll have you know
    Only half-time, till the sand runs out
    And buries us to cry

    Love? No, not yet
    But you never know
    Watered with tears this tree will grow
    Last shade in a desert
    Keep my head covered from the sun
    If not to give up all hope to the wind

    Fall of hope, fall of mind
    Winter, spring, and summer

    Rebirth from the ashes
    Phoenix of days gone
    Tale wing and carry these thoughts
    To the undying lands




    Submitted on 2005-07-01 20:53:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Tis engrossing stuff - its desperate and hopeful in equal measure. And pretty coherant compared to my stream of concious, too - loved the way you question yourself mid write just to quell your doubts. If I went on I'd just be repeating what others have said. Keep it up, comrade.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by Von Django | [ Reply to This ]
      loved the stream very much...this ambiguity is what makes for interesting interpretation...what could I make of your stream of thoughts...the end but yet the beginning, or as you put it "half-time" the lull inbetween moments...maybe the sad times, the good times from a distance could become sorrowful, from how youve spent hte future of the good times...
    your poem ends in a great way, because whether or not the rest of the poem connects, the last stanza MAKES it connect.
    I like your analogy of the Phoenix (constantly rebuilding itself out of its own ashes and continuing on). Like this poem, it is sort of about the points inbetween, and then just continuing on with the flow...continuing on with the stream.
    Sweet Stream, sweet stream,
    The boat is here it's time to leave,
    jc prescott
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by jcpdandalice | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good, very interesting imagery...I can see the surreality, and the abstract form...interesting. It has a good flow to it, and my favorite line would have to be

    "Carry it away, deep into the shadow
    Where it canít come out and reach us
    Or touch us and turn our souls to dust"

    very good.

    Storm
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by OrionsStorm | [ Reply to This ]


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