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    dots Submission Name: Forbidden.dots

    Author: GiveMeTheGun
    ASL Info:    20/F/TX
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 108/85/15
    Words: 187
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1355
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1511

       this is pretty corny.
    stfu. it's old.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Intoxicating delight.
    Carefully painted beauty.
    Mistress, look once this way.
    Seduction glances off her face.
    Im wrapped around for your control.
    Mistress, you've taken my soul.

    Why should danger seek my gaze?
    I've tribulated innocence.
    Shall I suffer for your shame,
    My misery be your benefit?

    Your beauty be my downfall,
    I've fallen at your will.
    Mistress, you compell me.
    I'm caught under your spell.
    The sight of you I lose control,
    Mistress, you've taken my soul.

    Dark envy, it surrounds me.
    Innocence it tastes.
    Your evil will surely kill me.
    A death of only disgrace.

    Why should danger have you?
    Why does dark envy want you?
    There is evil all around you.
    Mistress, come to me.

    Danger may have caught me,
    Dark envy may desire me.
    This evil all around me...
    Is your evil that has destroyed me.

    Mistress, you've glanced once this way.
    Regret glances off of your face.
    Im painfully wrapped in your control,
    Oh mistress, release my soul.


    It was forbidden.


    Submitted on 2005-07-01 21:17:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I think this puts a different spin on mistresses...
    You convey temptation very well...but what I really enjoy about this is that it is very original. It is not often that a poem portray this side of the story...you take all the focus of the betrayed. I found nothing I would change about this.

    | Posted on 2006-07-16 00:00:00 | by Swanne | [ Reply to This ]
      icy chilllll
    man the title was supa catchy and and the ending line

    it has a nice beat to it yo

    Queen Darknessss of the Grim Draco
    | Posted on 2006-03-23 00:00:00 | by darkness | [ Reply to This ]
      Hehehe, it was forbidden. Many of the great passions of the past and nowdays are forbidden. Doesn't that bite the big one? You captured it all well. Honest to goodness truth in thought-provoked word usage!

    Hey all, I'm just trying to get my reciprocation up. I'm down in the -'s pretty far. So, don't feel the need to comment on my work. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things at Elite. Think of it as a favor from me to you! Thanks for the read!
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I like it alot! It's pretty cool how it's a conversation, you can relate to it better, I like all the emotion behind it .
    Thumbs up
    | Posted on 2006-07-02 00:00:00 | by Alexandra | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice peice, not what I was expecting [which is a very good thing as predictability sucks] and it was well described. Only thing I wasn't too keen on [but this is merely personal preference] was the rhetorical questions, but as I said, that's just personal preference. Shame not many people have commented on this, it's a waste.
    ~ Uriel
    | Posted on 2005-07-26 00:00:00 | by Uriel | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a well thought out poem! Really good expression of feelings between both people involved! The title is also very suiting! I think many of us can relate to this. We have all wanted someone or something we could not have. We have had things that we shouldn't! And like this poem says, regret usually follows. It is human nature to be tempted and to want, self control is so important in life and unfortunately many of us dont have any! Nice write!
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]

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