Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

glowing souls


Author: fallingingreen
ASL Info:    18/f/missouri
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 136 /141 /34
Words: 187
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1094
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1227



Description:


i wrote a lot of posts today, but i deleted them. sometimes.. i just feel like my words are useless. i shouldn't write to impress.. i should write for myself, not the world.. but the world misunderstands and twists it all until i am discouraged and.. just want to burn out. today has been a horrible day. if you could leave long critiques that give me advice on my words that would be well appreciated. thanks.


glowing souls



catch dandelion seeds in the wind
as they circle your delicate cheek bones
where eyelashes once lay
under the falling moon
listen as the night sings under it's breath
soft lullabys
of memories made into melodys
the streetlights will break their bulbs
and watch as our paper hearts ignite
against a magenta skyline
where we made our first wishes
for this to last forever.. together
let the chimes sway us into a time
where we could feel the spit rise in the back of our throats
from all of this exitement
of what the world could make us (break us)
the hill laughs at the passing cars
digging into it's soul
industrialization takes over
into a contemporary stream
of rush hour at midnight
some things were never made to last
instead crash out into an ending
leading to the start of something, maybe not better,
but new all the same
so before this has time to fade
let us catch fireflies in honey jars
and lay them out on the back porch
to shine like the stars for us
when really,
we were shimmering all along




Submitted on 2005-07-01 21:48:40     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I wish for one day I could have your sense of description. I love the way you talk about things, the wya you describe what you invision, it's truly amazing. Rhiannon, your bad day of writing is my best... lol. Wonderful Work

Tace care,
Tom
| Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  How dare you be discouraged! This was great! Your words are not useless they well written and very intense on description. You are right you shouldn't write to impress others. Impressing don't show emotions it shows a way of being concieted. Your feeling and your feelings only counts. What you felt writing this poem is sure gonna be different from what I will feel reading it. 2 different people. 2 different opinions. Even if you feel your day is not going well, write it down. You will be suprised at what you create. take care wanda
| Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
  Well I must agree with Graeme on this one...I thought that this was excellent! The imagery was great and you did a great job with the human characteristics. It kept my attention the whole time and it was definately worth the read.
Important side note: always write for yourself first. There is always going to be someone out there that can relate to what you are saying, but it's what is in your heart, mind and soul and should only matter what your writing does for you. I think you did great and hope to read more!
Candi
| Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
  Well I hope I can make you feel better, I think this is excellent!
I don't know whether you wrote this for yourself or for others, and it doesn't matter. As writers, we do both. Sometimes, we write to impress, sometimes we write to confess. Sometimes, we write just to tell someobody, even if it IS onlly the paper.

It was interesting how you kept mentioning the real world in amongst your fantasy (street lights, cars, etc) it gave it a picasso-like feel, very abstract, and leaving the reader not quite sure.

Very stunning imagery, and a poem to be proud of.

Cheer up, you did great! Five Stars *****

Be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-07-01 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



65043