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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Parentheses (PS)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emma_closes
    ASL Info:    15/f/fl
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 325
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 527



    Description:
       Written for the same friend who has had several poems posted for him (and in his memory). I miss him dearly still.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsParentheses (PS)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The trees are all still painted
    in green (or red)
    for two (it's always in my head).
    Like that simple stone kept in my pocket,
    reminding me of you.
    I'm still not sure quite why I keep it,
    but PS (I still do).
    Just like I save old conversations
    that we held on obscure nights,
    of you (or me),
    of tea
    we'll see exactly where they go.
    If not lost into (prime) time
    than eaten by your memory,
    or perhaps, even, by mine.




    Submitted on 2005-07-02 13:15:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem and the parentheses were a great effect...I mean if you read it w/o them you get one effect then read it w/ the parentheses it's a different feeling...you have to pause and read it-I enjoyed it...this was really good.
    -stacey-
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
      This had a nice compact rhyming flow to it. It was simple and rolled off the tongue smoothly. The parentheses in this poem kinda added to it in some way. I'm not sure how, just the general delivery of it, I guess.

    Poems about friends that have moved on will always have a 'wistful' remembering tone to them, and I think you have captured this perfectly.

    Good read. Thank you

    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      i dont know the back ground to this write but it reminds me very much of many of my writes that i have written in memory of (or in selfish grief) my boyfriend who ended his own life a year and a bit ago...

    this reminds me of me in a lot of ways... the parentheses also... i am addicted to using them...

    your write is good though i feel it gets kinda lost at the end... i dont think the end is very clear... im not sure what you are trying to say...

    the part about the stone and youve no idea why you keep it... its something that reminds you of him and you can hold onto it for as long as you need to... when you miss him you can put you hand in your pocket and touch the stone and know that somehow he is still here (where the one you write this for has died or moved away)

    and the conversations... that bit smacked me... i used to talk to my boy on MSN most nights and the version of messenger i had saved the convos automatically... i have no idea how i would have got through the first coupla months after his death if it wasnt for being able to read and reread all those convos...

    one thing i am unclear of is why you have called your poem 'parentheses' can you tell me why you chose to call it that...?
    i would almost suggest calling it something else but i dont know your reasons behind calling it this...

    so anyways... this write is very close to my heart... it echoes everything i have said thought felt for the last year or so... if you do clean up the end any let me know... id be interested to read it feeling more complete.
    good write and good luck
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. It is the perfect enticing taste of the inside joke or even just the closest of friendships. Very well written.
    Good job,be proud.
    -Catina
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Boom-boom | [ Reply to This ]
      So from this little insight I get you guys took long walks into the night and talked about life? I do this alot but only with a very few of my friends, we go into the pitch-black forest and rely on our conversation to get us out. I like that idea, and I like that you shared this with this person - now, go out, on one of those nightly walks, by yourself. Soon, you'll be walking beside that person again and hell, you'll probably even start talking to the hallucination/spirit/insert-what-you-call-it-here. But um...yeah. so...cool. Buh bye

    PS. The ending line could use a touch up, some more closure than that, or, it could not. I just don't know.
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]



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