Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: You make my day raindots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Cigarette Smoke
    ASL Info:    15/female/A head lake
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 393/470/154
    Words: 199
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 1252
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1228



    Description:
       This seems a little sad to me when i reread it but it accutally isn't. its a happy poem.
    (PS I know what "You make my day rain" means, it is an inside joke between me and my boyfriend I don't care to explain. <3)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou make my day raindots
    -------------------------------------------



    And the phone challenges me
    As the sun burns me
    The birds call to me
    And I try to compose myself
    Try to compose my words

    Fleas are crawling though my house
    Dancing around me, taunting me
    I slip and fall
    Little laughing in the walls
    This house is never silent

    What are we running toward?
    Because I just keep falling
    Slipping on the wet ground
    Sometimes it is useless to get up again
    But there are so many things
    You cannot reach from the ground

    You make my day rain
    You make my day rain

    The sun disappeared
    I canít seem to find it
    Lost it in a pocket of a pair of pants
    I never wear anymore
    But no great loss
    Now my skin can heal

    Today is going to slow
    The colors are fading to fast
    And Iím running after the rainbows
    Knowing I will never catch up to them
    They are smarter then we know

    You make my day rain
    You make my day rain
    You make my day rain
    You make my day rain

    But thatís okay
    I love it when it rains.





    Submitted on 2005-07-02 13:16:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love it. I really don't have anything else to say...the entire thing is just..lovely. Hmm...now for some filler.....Really terrific write.
    | Posted on 2005-09-15 00:00:00 | by Abby Sinthetic | [ Reply to This ]
      th day is going too slow the colours fading too fast... those two lines almost contradict themselves somehow...

    you make my day rain... that used to be my line... crazy... in my world it was a good thing coz i too love rain...

    im not sure i see happy in here though...
    i see reaching for a goal and falling short somehow...
    i see confusion and frustration of things taking too long to happen (or happening too fast)
    i see love... this seems to be aimed at someone (perhaps your boy) "you make my day rain" sounds like it should be a bad thing and yet... you end with 'thats ok... i love the rain' and one realises that this is an expression of love... very cool (but still very weird you have my line! LOL)
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the images of chasing rainbows and the feel of the piece. Very sweet.

    This is my favorite verse
    The sun disappeared
    I canít seem to find it
    Lost it in a pocket of a pair of pants
    I never wear anymore
    But no great loss
    Now my skin can heal


    Suggestions:
    Do you need me in all three of the first lines?
    I think it reads more smoothly by using commas and leaving just the third one.

    Thanks for sharing this.
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Well it portrayed alot of imagery of reaching out to grasp some goal and falling short, but if you say it's happy, I guess it is. I loved how active the writing was, it made it so un-boring I sort of tore through it. What I liked most was just that: The writing style used.
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by wordslinger | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65096

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry