[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Pain That She Hidesdots

    Author: prettybaby
    Elite Ratio:    6.59 - 191/194/59
    Words: 282
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 1287
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1821


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Pain That She Hidesdots

    The smile on her face isn't real
    She's hiding the way she really feels

    She's pretending she's not dying without you
    But all her pain is showing through

    She shrugs her shoulders as you walk away
    A fake smile is plastered on her face

    Until she sees you she doesn't realize
    How much she misses that look in your eyes

    Without you she's killing herself
    She won't let anyone in to help

    Her weakest moments come whenever
    She sees you but you don't see her

    With each passing day it's more difficult
    To hold back the tears and the pain she is dealt

    But she has to stand firm and she has to be strong
    And remember she isn't the one who is wrong

    She thought that this time you'd be here to stay
    But once again she's watching you walk away

    She hangs her head and looks to the floor
    As you slip quietly out the door

    She doesn't know how much more she can take
    It's getting harder and harder to fake

    She's got to find a way to let you go
    But she still loves you more than you'll ever know

    You dance through her dreams and you steal her sleep
    You're causing the pain that cuts her so deep

    Now she knows that she can't have you back
    And she can't live with what she lacks

    She's shaking the bottle, she's holding the pills
    She's ending her pain in a way that kills

    Her troubles are leaving, the feeling is gone
    She's letting you live like you've done nothing wrong

    Submitted on 2005-07-02 16:25:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Love never comes easy. It breaks your heart before it allows you to feel true love. I guess love is trying to set you up...teach you to know when it is real and when it is not.

    I don't know if this is related to you personally since you are using the second person and not first person, but I am most sure that you have learned much from this experience.

    When love becomes suicidal, it only means two things the person confused love with obsession or enfatuation. Or the pain was so intense that they could not see themselves without the other person. Suicide is not the way to remedy unrequitted love, but I guess this stems back into time like Romeo and Juliet.

    Very sad account of how far an obsession with someone can go and how deeply love can hurt or destroy another. Simple yet extremely meaningful. Love Saby~*~
    | Posted on 2005-11-17 00:00:00 | by CaramelCandy | [ Reply to This ]
      The way you organized this poem into rhyming couplets worked quite well.

    I am usually not a fan of straight out rhyming but I think you did an excellent job here, not breaking the integrity of your words with forced end rhymes for the sake of it, know what I mean? I'm sure you do.

    From what I gathered, this is a poem about you, a relationship that went sour, and how depressed you feel about it. Even to the extent of just wanting to end it all with pills.

    I know exactly what you mean, I've been down this road before and have felt all these things to varying degrees.

    Well, that's all I wanna say, I don't want to launch into a life story now lol.

    It was a good read, heartfelt and heartbreaking.
    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Man. I don't know what I can say about this. I know this feeling all too well. And I wish that no one else had to to feel it either. (ironically, I'm listening to "Novacaine" by GreenDay at the moment) I love have you spaced out eaching rhyme set, almost like it's a different thought, but still related to the rest of it. We definately keep things well hidden in ourselves, and I'm glad that you left nothing hidden in this. This is definately an awesome piece of work. Keep 'em comming!

    | Posted on 2005-07-02 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]