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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Comfort Proximitydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: newerachild
    ASL Info:    15/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 19/28/18
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 286
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 583



    Description:
       A few little tidbits of alliterations, nothing you'd have to look up but nonetheless if you don't know the alliteration that well, you'll get more out of the poem if you know them.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsComfort Proximitydots
    -------------------------------------------


    Can you take me there?
    Through Eden’s Grove,
    Past the Gates of conformity and utilitarianism,
    Through the arches of the aurum gates of Heaven,
    Past God’s throne of power,
    Into Chaos’ void of elaborate calculated lives,
    Down through the ages to a place of no return,
    To Silence’s golden throne of peace,
    Where a troubled Soul can find its heart’s home?
    If not to the heart itself,
    Then past the golden hill yonder?
    For it is said,
    The closer to where the heart is,
    The happier one is.




    Submitted on 2005-07-03 11:20:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This looks like you're trying to do Milton, with the big words, golden heavens, and capitalized abstracts. I don't see why you'd want to do any poem like this.
    Everything is "golden." This word was worn to death in the 1800's, and it's not being used any different here. The images are stale.
    So you're saying, the closer the soul is to the heart, the happier the person is? How, exactly, do I guide my soul to my heart?
    Figure out what you mean, and then write something that has personal significance to you, that comes from your own experience. You would do a far better job. If you want to emulate the great poets, learn old-fashioned metrical forms. Metrics are a great tool for regulating and debugging your lines, and are far more flexible than over-used imagery.
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Rokhal | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a monumental thought provoking poem. im impressed with those words, the extensive vocablary. I feel very blissful reading this. wonderful illustrative language usage. I wouldnt change a thing. mike :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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