Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: In A Child's Eyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BenCollier
    Elite Ratio:    3.72 - 425/386/88
    Words: 115
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 803



    Description:
       I wrote this poem almost 21 years ago when my first son was born. I almost didn't want to post it, I can see the glaring errors in it myself. Anyway, maybe y'all can be a little more forgiving in your critique than i am on myself.
    Your Friend,
    Ben


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIn A Child's Eyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    In a child's eye the worlds' a wonderous place
    Brimming with discoveries, always without haste.

    In a child's eye every minute is an adventure
    never a care or worry of the pain of loose denture.

    In a child's eye play is of the essence
    Overflowing parents with his bubbly effervesence.

    In a child's eye the family is his fold
    Learning love to be an intregal part of the whole.

    In a child's eye imagination is reality
    Always trusting, unconcerned by society.

    In a child's eye beauty is simplicity
    Parents lament uncertain probability.

    In a child's eye the worlds' a wonderous place
    Only to grow and reality slaps his face.




    Submitted on 2005-07-03 19:55:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this poem, the ending took me off guard. I guess that was because I was easily sailing through the lines of your poem, earnestly nodding in agreement! Anyway, I can't see errors in it. I find the rhythm marvelous, and the rhyming just right! I mean we all have come upon poems that rhyme, yes, but don't make much sense. But yours is definitely an exception. Just excellent, and very true. I love it. Go kids!
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by the heartless | [ Reply to This ]
      As I love children this is another fav poem to me. If only we could look through the eyes of a child. And oh the trust they put in us for their happiness, safety and love. Children love to laugh and such a happy sound! A wonderful write.
    Be Happy Ben. Your friend,
    Linda
    | Posted on 2005-10-20 00:00:00 | by AlabamaFarmGirl | [ Reply to This ]
      well, that last line is certainly a slap in the face... children these days can become so jaded so young. it is a sad state of affairs.
    i was attracted by the title of this poem. i have some neighborhood kids who come over to my house a lot just to hang out. their unconditional love and joy at the world is such a salve for me when things get too hectic and painful. i was lucky in that i had a relatively happy childhood, which i wish for every child on earth. it's a tragedy that children have to grow up so quickly these days...
    peace&laughter
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-08-18 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I just loved this, possibly because I still think like a child myself! I liked, "In a child's eye imagination is reality
    Always trusting, unconcerned by society." Yep, that describes me! I refuse to give up my gifted child-like imagination and outlook.
    I think that it's great you still have this piece around to look back on now that your son is grown. Don't be so hard on yourself over a 21-year old poem - just be glad that you're the kind of person that at least takes time out to document and notice these wonderous things! Love,Peace,Joy! epiph ; }
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm how not to be too cruel...well, you did say you saw the imperfections yourself, so you ought to know the idea's good, the thoughts and emotion's there, it's just the rhyme and the repetition and the style and...mmmm that'll do!

    I really do the same when I look back at earlier stuff I've written, and I re-write all the time. Must be a maturing experience, this life...lol

    Sorry, mate, I can't be very kind with this one.

    Be Happy (anyway)

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      The message is clear, and brutal and blunt and I like it. It's sad and creative, and I really enjoyed reading this. I said effervesence out loud, because I'm goofy like that, and thought it was a funny word. There could be so many extensions on this poem, about the extension of time. I think it would cool if you wrote about your son as a teenager in this style, through an adolescents eyes, and then a young man, and so on... it would just be interesting, slightly reflective and an intriguing look on things. Good read. Peace.
    ~rue
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      very nicelly said i like reading poetry as i read i ty to place myself in the mind of the writer as well as the characters they talk about
    very enjoyable read
    thanx for you comment on identity it is a very deep poem it talks about the pesonalities in me when i sit down to write
    thanx again sandman
    | Posted on 2005-08-02 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the last sentence it rocked. creative idea- and certainly interesting. i dont like when every line rhymes but thts just me. over all this wasnt bad.
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65250

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    To written by SavedDragon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Bond written by saartha
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    This written by Chelebel
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To Glow written by krs3332003

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry