Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Last Daysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: sunnysideup
    ASL Info:    35/F/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.02 - 30/37/15
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 869
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 981



    Description:
       Do not use a satin hand on criticing this. Hit me hard. I can take it. Final draft is due.
    Thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Last Daysdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Dedicated to everyone that has lost loved one to terminal Illness



    Her wisdom is held upon the frail edge of death,
    Peering from behind glazed pain.
    A dozen broken promises
    Turned into blessings.
    A handful of miracles
    Tossed upon the wind.

    Reflection has no place here,
    Bringing no resolution.
    Accepting things gone by
    Brings comfort to her ailing heart.

    A smile laces lips of agony,
    Her soul reaching for relief
    From existence
    I let her know,
    Among all things, she has found
    Relief from regret,
    Relinquishing a weighted heart,
    Forgiving circumstance for providing
    Emptiness in a life that offered
    Fulfillment.

    I caress the hands that
    Have fallen still,
    Anointing them with tears,
    Quivering lips speak silent words
    Only she can hear.





    Submitted on 2005-07-03 21:41:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The ending held the most power for me... I really enjoyed the poem overall and am adding it to favs to reflect on longer when I have more time later =o)

    Reading it outloud a second time I dropped a couple of lines accidentally but liked how it came out so thought i'd share...

    A smile laces lips of agony,
    Her soul reaching for relief
    From existence
    she has found
    Relief from regret,

    That's how I read it and liked the flow - but hey I'm no poet I just enjoy what I enjoy! Nice work, thanks for sharing!
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by tankgrrl | [ Reply to This ]
      first thing i have to say is that this is a very sad and moving poem. I know how it feels to watch someone you love who has a terminal illness, my mum suffersd from terminal kidney failer, the doctors have given her 10 to 15 years to live and everytime we fight i feel so bad. Its great that you can share the love you have for your mum, its great. You show alot of passion and its beautiful. All it made me do was want to cry. This is a great poem. Keep it up

    ~Natie~
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Natie | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really touching, in a way. It really reminded me of the wrong thing, simply because i had a debate recently on voluntary euthanasia. I'm sorry for your mother, hope she gets through just fine...hope for a miracle! I particularly liked te last two lines...it really shows the bond the two of you share...very commendable...since many people don't cherish familial bonds nowadays. "Peering from behind glazed pain" really struck me as a good line as well. I dunno if it's supposed to be interpreted this way, but I see pain that echoes from the depths of a tear within the wells of her eyes..magnificent way of putting it.

    I felt that if you wanted to dedicate this to your ailing mother, you should have wrote something happier, to cheer her up? So, dedicated might not be the best word you could use...maybe Inspired by? Also, I felt that "splashing" might not be the best word to use. It reminds me too much of japanese anime and teardrops.

    But on the whole it's a nice poem.

    Sebby
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Sebby | [ Reply to This ]
      The line "A handful of miracles
    Tossed upon the wind." is very moving. It seems strange speaking of such personal pain doesn't it?

    I was just looking at an art print book today with Monet's 'cammille Monet on her death bed' and remembering that he caught a lot of flack for setting an easle up there.

    The way i see it is that this is how artists work through life's difficulties. I don't know what to suggest for improvement. The poem seems jsut fine the way it is.

    What's it due for?

    later, kc
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65264

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Cover written by saartha
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Carry written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Shi written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Dream written by closetpoet

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry