Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Fallen Angel Chroniclesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BrokenAngel
    ASL Info:    21/F/MI
    Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 179/157/47
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 665
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1025



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFallen Angel Chroniclesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Swept away by all the lies
    I wipe the pain that’s in my eyes
    Facing everyday with a smile
    I hope my lie will be worth while

    A fallen angel, a broken soul
    Was left lying here, she feels so cold
    Nobody knows how she feels today
    And nobody knows, If she will stay

    Walking numbly through this life
    I listen to everyone’s strife
    Smiling numbly, looking hard
    Watching life through a shard

    A fallen angel, a broken soul
    She’s lying here, she looks so cold
    Nobody cares how she feels today
    She doesn’t know if she can stay

    Smiling at life's disregard
    Pretending that it's not so hard
    To live the way she's been
    But she want's to live again

    A fallen angel, a broken soul
    Was found right here, she feels so cold
    She couldn't take it, but she wouldn't say
    Why it was she couldn't stay





    Submitted on 2005-07-03 22:12:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "Smiling at life's disregard
    Pretending that it's not so hard
    To live the way she's been
    But she want's to live again

    A fallen angel, a broken soul
    Was found right here, she feels so cold
    She couldn't take it, but she wouldn't say
    Why it was she couldn't stay"

    sadness in his maximum expression i really enjoyed this writing i think you explouit very weel your potential in this kind of writings so i guess.. you are doing okay just the repetition of a stanza.. well yif it is a lyrics you should have posted in the category of lyrics not poetry... it is just a suggestion...
    so a good writing
    and thanks for sharing and i hope you can check out my writings and leave a comment please
    have a nice day
    peace and love
    and take care
    Victor
    p.d.: keep writing
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by vitoko | [ Reply to This ]
      Magnifique. I think that it could flow a little more smoothly, but the feeling is there, and that's important.

    Nicely done Bets.
    | Posted on 2005-11-04 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      I KNEW THIS WOULD BE GOOD! A fallen angel, a broken soul. Great wording to put behind such beautiful words. As for the poem well it is equaly as amazing. And nice word use as well. Great work here.
    | Posted on 2005-07-19 00:00:00 | by Di Re Rakord | [ Reply to This ]
      Smiling at life's disregard
    Pretending that it's not so hard
    To live the way she's been
    But she want's to live again

    A fallen angel, a broken soul
    Was found right here, she feels so cold
    She couldn't take it, but she wouldn't say
    Why it was she couldn't stay

    ...True is this. It's a beautiful poem with well-written story. I liked it and the way the fallen angel stanza repeats. Good work at this :)
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      like bloodwing say. very honest.
    A fallen angel, a broken soul
    Was left lying here, she feels so cold
    Nobody knows how she feels today
    And nobody knows, If she will stay

    Walking numbly through this life
    I listen to everyone’s strife
    Smiling numbly, looking hard
    Watching life through a shard

    I know they say "I can relate" is a bad comment. but i can really ralte to this. I smile, but i can't remember the last time i ment my smile.
    I loved it
    Kay
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by Kay | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very honest, I liked it a lot. I haven't been reading great stuff on this site lately, but this one is pretty good. Way to go.

    Gradaully,
    Heroes don't die this well,
    | Posted on 2005-07-03 00:00:00 | by bloodwing | [ Reply to This ]
      I always enjoy reading your poetry, although it always make me feel so sad & somtimes (through the eyes of the poem) lost & alone. This poem in particular reminded me of you, A LOT, but I'll tell you why when next I see you (since it's personal). Also when I read this the scene that unfolded before my eyes was a young girl who never takes enough time for herself & listen's to the problems & troubles of other people, instead of her own. While inside she's slowly breaking down, but she's trying to hide it from the world, until finally she can't take it anymore & takes her own life. But I really did like it, when don't I like the things you write?...lol
    ~*~ Brandie ~*~
    | Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by Flaming_Shadow | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65267

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Date night written by expiring_touch
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Giving written by jjd
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    This written by Chelebel
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bond written by saartha
    untitled written by Chelebel

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry