Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My placedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: manderz_1207
    ASL Info:    15/f/mi
    Elite Ratio:    5.45 - 95/109/38
    Words: 211
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 756
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1288



    Description:
       Going through break up with boyfriend.. Sorry if it doesn't make sense.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy placedots
    -------------------------------------------


    To finally find that place I seek,
    the place where no one sees me weak.
    To tell myself that it's okay,
    even though I see not one sunshine ray.

    The darkest clouds have fallen upon me,
    for the hurt inside, only I can see.
    The raindrops fall upon my face,
    so tears can fall without disgrace.

    So only I can be the one,
    to know that all has come undone.
    To show the world I can be strong,
    that in the end they'll all be wrong.

    That someday I won't need this place,
    someday I can show them me, face to face.
    When I can know the right from wrong,
    and be able to tell when it won't be long…

    ….It won't be long before I break,
    this time it's real, this time I won't wake.
    The dreams I've had are no longer that,
    they're now here, there right behind my back.

    Can anybody really say,
    that they put there heart away?

    Can they stand in front of the other and lie to their face?

    As they tell them, it's ok,
    It'll be better off this way.
    To tell them you will be okay,
    that you'll be healed, someday.




    Submitted on 2005-07-03 22:49:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a good poem! Breakups can be really hard and hurtful! Everyone needs their own space, their own place to be! Hopefully you have moved on from this time in your life and found something new! Poems are a great way to express your feelings! A good outlet! This is a great expression! Take care!

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-07-29 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This makes a LOT of sense to me.I am sorry of what you feel and this strong poem reflects it quite well. I liked it.It's honest and sensitive.I liked the 'dreams' line.
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]
      first the context and feeling of the write. ok little bumpy in the reading but my mood is sad reading this. I feel a lot of these feelings too. it is true about the hurt only you know it, others can only try to sympathize and even fewer can empathize but you only feel it. no one can say “I feel your pain” without it being a measure of trying to comfort. there are some who don’t care but who cares about them. I like the declaration “To show the world I can be strong, that in the end they'll all be wrong.” to stand and commit yourself to prove others wrong is an admirable characteristic especially when it has a person working to improve their situation. the end here is very solid telling them you will be ok and someday you will heal I like that.


    I have noticed you have put this under misc. maybe you didn’t consider a poem but that is ok the option to change is always there.

    I’ve separated out this write to see if it had structure as sets of rhymes. now I did have a lot of set of four line stanzas with one line that did not fit and another that didn’t rhyme. first the line that stood out:

    “Can they stand in front of the other and lie to their face?”

    ok now the two lines that didn’t rhyme:

    “The dreams I've had are no longer that,
    they're now here, there right behind my back.”

    here is how I saw the entire poem structured, this is four lines stanzas but one can alter even that.

    To finally find that place I seek,
    the place where no one sees me weak.
    To tell myself that it's okay,
    even though I see not one sunshine ray.

    The darkest clouds have fallen upon me,
    for the hurt inside, only I can see.
    The raindrops fall upon my face,
    so tears can fall without disgrace.

    So only I can be the one,
    to know that all has come undone.
    To show the world I can be strong,
    that in the end they'll all be wrong.

    That someday I won't need this place,
    someday I can show them me, face to face.
    When I can know the right from wrong,
    and be able to tell when it won't be long…

    ….It won't be long before I break,
    this time it's real, this time I won't wake.
    The dreams I've had are no longer that,
    they're now here, there right behind my back.

    Can anybody really say,
    that they put there heart away?

    Can they stand in front of the other and lie to their face?

    As they tell them, it's ok,
    It'll be better off this way.
    To tell them you will be okay,
    that you'll be healed, someday.

    now you can see that structured it has some lines in there that don’t really fit. you can fix that or leave this write how it was originally. the choice I leave to you. other than those your feelings are good little on the depressing side I hope you have had much better days since this piece. take it easy and be strong,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-11-20 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65274

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry