Rx by _n3pt

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Submission Name: Rx dots

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Author:	_n3pt
Elite Ratio:	4.51 - 150/106/12
Words:	74

Class/Type:	Poetry/Sorry
Total Views:	278
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	645

Description:
Okay, I wrote this literally 10 minutes ago while working... yes... working... on the fourth... like so many others. Anyway, tell me what you think? The playwright in me is REALLy coming out. There's just something poetic in the essence of conversation.

=^D

as always, I am desperately...

!n3pt

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"can you help me," she asks
not so much a pleading cry for mercy
but help nonetheless

"no," I reply
"like to," I continue, "but no"
"law," I defend
"can't," I maintain
"won't," I insist
"leave!" I demand

"fine," she responds
"i'll just go down the street," she threatens

"whatever," I quip
"like I care anyway," I conclude

God I can be so insensitive at times
I need another drink

Submitted on 2005-07-04 11:36:11 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Well looks like everyone took the words rightou to f my mouth, its really great. I love how you didn't include any of the other speaker... it made it rather...comical dare i say.

I really like this one... it is quite creative.

i'll go check ur other one out now.
| Posted on 2005-07-20 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
  I actually read this piece a while ago, but I never commented. This is close to the last one that you wrote, and i enjoy reading it very much. Whatever you do for a living I am glad I don't have to do it, I have a hard time saying no to anyone, and knowing myself I would just say yes, I guess i already do with my friends, anyway I congradulate you on the ability to stay strong and not give in, because in the long run I think it probably helps. Another great dialoge.
much love
kaity
| Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by Kaitylizzy | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi there!
Ya know, I am glad you told me what you do for a living! It makes it so much easier to understand your writings. I can really appreciate them ya know? I like this poem very much! Short and simple yet very direct and to the point! It must be hard to deal with that all the time! It is almost impossible to rationalize with them, I know! I can't say I blame you for the "like I care anyway" comment. It must get to you! Did you ever think of doing something different? Maybe working with different people? I think it is important to be happy with your job and I wonder how happy you can be! Anyway, thanks for sharing. Good write!
| Posted on 2005-07-15 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  I like. The title and the end of the poem really serve to bookend the rest of it...to lend meaning to it.

Had to read it twice to catch up with the fast turns in dialogue. But it plays nicely when fully understood.

see you later, kc
| Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
  Sounds like some pillhead looking for a free handout or maybe some underage girlie trying to buy something she's not old enough to play with.

An interesting write. This is a piece in which the title is vital to understanding what it is that's going on. A mysterious technique, and one I'm fond of.

Nice one, bud.
| Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Vancrown | [ Reply to This ]
  Hmm.. The title gives the impression to me that you were working behind the counter of a pharmacy.. But what would i know of the matter? :P
Most pharmacies stock things that require an ID to buy.. Since it was the fourth i get the impression that someone probably wanted alcohol or something of similiar altering effects and didnt have an ID..
I always had to deal with customers like this when i had counter job at a gas station.. people will get downright nasty with you just because you follow protocol. And for what ultimately? Something that is probably an unhealthy habit anyways..
Anyways.. I love the minimalist appeal you have in your works.. You are never long winded and always keep it fresh. Your meanings are always pretty clear and concise to your central ideas. As i said before, youve got a great style. And iam a big fan.
Ratio M. Ducet
| Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Ratiomeducet | [ Reply to This ]
  I don't know if I would usually have agreed that this was a poem but the way you have written it is just great, the wording and flow makes it poetic,

"no," I reply
"like to," I continue, "but no"
"law," I defend
"can't," I maintain
"won't," I insist
"leave!" I demand

I love that, I thought that was really cool, just the ending of each line which defines how each word is said. Good work.
| Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by dark-red-pain | [ Reply to This ]
  This is really good. And yeah, I wouldn't exactly call it insensitive. Like the last comment said, it's just truthful. I like this a lot. Very creative. Great job :-)

-nikkki
| Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
  Yes Indeed! I like this poem. It's sharp, direct and to the point. The wording is like bullets hitting a target. You are not insensitive just truthful. I'm sorry you have to work on the Fourth. After you're done go on and have that drink. Great poem!...wanda
| Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]

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