[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Bird Sanctuarydots

    Author: VanillaLeaves
    Elite Ratio:    4.1 - 101/110/23
    Words: 249
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 717
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1694

       another poem about my father and I. No mystical shoes this time afraid.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Bird Sanctuarydots

    The sunset hovers,
    a pale peach skin cloud
    of disappointment,
    above the lake
    and I stand with my father
    on the mud coated
    wooden bird watching platform.

    The bird watchers flock
    around us.
    The Augers of today,
    they try to decipher
    with binoculars
    and colored nature pamphlets
    the prophecies contained
    in the shifting script of swallows
    that lies scattered across the sky.

    We ignore the heavens;
    less interested in binocular
    bearing mystics
    than in the fireflies.
    We slip down
    from the wooden platform,
    sinking into the surrounding
    forest where the lightning bugs
    hang like sequins
    in the curtains of July heat.
    We breathe in these hot sparks
    of summer fire,
    letting them alight on our tongues
    so we may prophesy
    to the humid air and mud.

    The lake shore beckons,
    and we slip down,
    leaving the fireflies
    for the love hymns of bull frogs.
    My father pulls out a stethoscope
    and presses it against algae robed lake,
    listening for the heartbeat
    of those that lie underneath.
    He hears the sonnets
    of snapping turtles that praise
    the muddy water and slick
    lake bottom rocks.
    He hears the mystic cadence
    of duck feet beating
    the upper levels of the water.
    He hears a slight sigh
    has the last faint arms
    of the sun release their grip
    from the surface of the lake
    letting the waters ripple
    in the twilight.

    Submitted on 2005-07-04 13:55:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Beautifully descriptive! Original language that takes us to the waters edge with you. We see and feel as you did then, we follow you as you followed him. Simply beautiful description, original, and breathtaking:

    "as the last faint arms
    of the sun release their grip
    from the surface of the lake"

    Great metaphor. This poem is laced with many such, " a pale peach skin cloud", "the shifting script of swallows / that lies scattered across the sky". Wonderfully constructed and illuminating. A terrific poem, I loved it!

    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by phil askew | [ Reply to This ]
      This is wonderful! I love a good nature poem. You have given me the opportunity to read one, yours. The way you described in detail, the deck, the heat the bugs, etc. I was there. You brought out beauty. Not to many of those
    sanctuaries exist. You will have this one lasting forever...great poem! wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi, Emily, you always manage to look at something from an oblique viewpoint, and your tale shows where you inherited the trait.
    Once again, colourful descriptions and vivid references draw the reader into your world easily and gracefully.

    Simply stunning.

    Be Happy
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a lovely piece.
    I enjoyed this trip to the bird sanctuary very much.
    I could feel the binocular-laden birders crowd in, and sigh with relief as the somber, sad songs of the bullfrogs drowned out their noise.
    I could see the gentle dazzle of the fireflies as they all but surfed the thick summer air.
    I heard the click and snap of the turtles, and I very nearly heard the sunset for the first time.
    Awesome storytelling!
    Thanks for sharing this wonderful memory.
    | Posted on 2005-07-04 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]