Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death Vs. Lovedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: disturbed_angel
    ASL Info:    14/F/Aus
    Elite Ratio:    2.77 - 22/22/11
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 758
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 822



    Description:
       Just sumfin i tried 2 write while having writers block :( hope ya enjoy it :D


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath Vs. Lovedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He holds her still warm corpse against his body,
    He looks into her crystal blue eyes,
    As he wipes the blood of, of her face with his sleeve
    he has evry intention of joining her in her deep sleep,

    He taunted, he teased and never could express
    Now he will never get the chance because of his mess,
    As he lays her becoming cold body on the ground
    The feelings inside his heart and mind are wound,

    he stands and stares for a moment
    soon to heaven she will be sent,
    If only he had taken the chance
    Then maybe he would have gotten to romance,

    His heart shattered into a million pieces
    he walks away frm d body covered in glass pieces,
    Never to look back on the pain
    and only to remember her name.




    Submitted on 2005-07-04 20:35:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      it sort of confused me because isn't his every intention to join her in deep sleep or just leave her dead? besides that it was a great story. At least I felt like you were telling me a story. It made me sit in the edge of my seat. But still confused about if he dies with her physically or metaphorically he dies inside.
    | Posted on 2005-07-14 00:00:00 | by lmen | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65349

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry