Smokey Reflection

Author: sudie ASL Info:    18/ f / virginia Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 182 /195 /51 Words: 57

Class/Type: Misc /Misc Total Views: 1124 Average Vote:    No vote yet. Bytes: 390

Description:

---

Smokey Reflection

---

I remember the smoke that curled slyly around your scalp where your hair had long since departed with the freckles that marched along your sun-streched head. You had a smile when I saw you. But I could tell it only lingered for my content amusement. Then disappeared on the taunt lips that lovingly held your cigarette.

Submitted on 2005-07-05 09:15:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_< 2: I dunno... 3: meh! 4: Pretty cool 5: Wow!

Comments

An interesting short piece. You've done well here, you actually capured something that when i read made me think about my uncle, my grandad, i didn't really know, but my great uncle was an awesome substitute. There is no fault i can pick, you've done it so well. You kept it short, yet filled it with with thoughts and feeling. A poem to challenge poets everywhere. Danny

| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]

A few moments caught in time. Such a simple memory, yet so descriptive. These are the kind that stay with you forever. Great job an a simple, not overdone piece. Crystal

| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]

Wow this is great. This is what poetry should be. You could say: My granddad... I like him. But what you do here is capture a moment and place it straight into your heart yet share it with the world. Simply beautiful

| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by _n3pt | [ Reply to This ]

Yep... you just decribed everything i remember about my grandma... i remember the smell of smoke, big hair, and that Marlboro haze about her... Wasn't the prettiest of memories but it's all i got and i'm glad i got it... This poem was very well done. simple yet the profound imagery was enough to allow the reader to be drawn in throught the read... well done my friend... thanks for reminding me of my memories... take care... and don't let unwanted people into your house... Travis with a big fat T

| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]

This is the most touching and well written piece I have read today. It is compact,descriptive,says a lot without overstating details or unneeded details. ***I applaud you**** <sunny>

| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by sunnysideup | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest. 2. Try not to give only compliments. 3. How did it make you feel? 4. Why did it make you feel that way? 5. Which parts? 6. What distracted from the piece?

7. What was unclear? 8. What does it remind you of? 9. How could it be improved? 10. What would you have done differently? 11. What was your interpretation of it? 12. Does it feel original?

65402