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    dots Submission Name: Leftoversdots

    Author: patrick o_riley
    ASL Info:    16, male, ontario
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 70/91/25
    Words: 247
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1018
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1487

       What are you looking for in terms of feedback? Any background information behind the piece? Hints? Is this just to vent? Emotional state while writing?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    He's sitting here eating a potato,
    Leftovers from last night.
    He thinks that it tastes o.k. though,
    It's cold and he needs some more light.

    He's sitting there doing his homework,
    Stuff from two weeks ago.
    Blood on the carpet, a fight after work,
    He's felling pritty ok though.

    When the cops came to visit his house late one day,
    He said that the blood's from a cut.
    He was sitting around play games in the hay,
    When a needle punctured his butt.

    He said the wound has healed all ready,
    It healed a week ago,
    He balanced and made his body steady,
    But he said he has no balance though.

    The cop had left him there was no place to hide,
    So he fled for the town right then.
    He spread his wings and begun to glide,
    He looked like a crazy old hen.

    You se that this is a leftover story,
    no one would by my book.
    We wish that we could live in fame and glory,
    Oh well time to real in your hook.

    On the end of your hook a body there hung,
    Some leftovers from a crime,
    I have a new book the title there hung,
    on his forehead the title "a rhyme."

    On living we go from age to age,
    Stories come from every odd end.
    A death a life some one stuck in a cage,
    The end of a life wich we've lend.

    Submitted on 2005-07-05 13:06:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is definately different which in my opinions is one of the highest compliments one can get.

    You definately have your own head...this poem was cute...I don't know if it was suppose to be comical but I thought it kinda was...I like how you used leftovers as a poem topis though...nice touch.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This is interesting and different. Definitely unique. I really like the whole "leftovers" thing. Thats creative. I have nothing negative to say. I noticed a few spelling errors, but it's all good. I like it a lot. Great job :-)

    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey, nice little ditty, and an interesting theme. Leftovers, eh?
    Good on you for writing something different, it's enjoyable to read and has its own philosophy delicately placed inside.
    Just a couple of spelling errors, otherwise, no criticism, i I quite liked this one.
    be Happy
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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