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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: his voicedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DanceADream
    ASL Info:    16 f canada
    Elite Ratio:    5.05 - 205/153/29
    Words: 116
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1056
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 748



    Description:
       this poem is about someone being pushed to far. God is telling her she just has to keep trying her best but she finally falls down. (not literally) when no one is there to help her back up again she loses her faith in God and questions him.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotshis voicedots
    -------------------------------------------


    He keeps telling me I'll be alright.
    He keeps telling me I'll be ok.
    I can't help but wonder
    When my dreams will come true.

    He keeps telling me to work real hard.
    He keeps telling me to fight the pain.
    I can't help the exhaustion,
    Yet i cannot rest.

    I no longer dream for a better tomorrow;
    I no longer care.
    I'll be alright
    And I'll be ok.

    The pain seeps deeper in my bones with every cry for help,
    but no ones there.
    Work real hard
    And fight the pain.

    When lifes to much to bear
    And the pain begins to sting,
    Where are you?
    Were you ever really there?




    Submitted on 2005-07-05 17:31:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there sure are many times when i've felt like God has abandoned me. i heard something once though that makes me re-think that. "if you feel far from God, who moved?" it is hard sometimes when life has beaten us down so low that we can't see that God really is there, we just have to reach out.. i hope things get better for you, if this is autobiographical.
    @ Cat
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      I have prayed often lately Ashley and wondered if I will get any answers. It is so confusing to know whether there is any point in praying for anything, I don't know. I like the arrangement and presentation of this piece. You have struck a chord with me and that, I guess, is what it's all about. Nice work! Dan
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by dmm | [ Reply to This ]
      wow that's so sad. I liked it aside from the fact that I can be really religious sometimes and it does state it the bible not to question god... on another note I was really connecting with the narrarator in this piece. Sometimes life gets tough and you feel extremely deserted. it's natural... sort of. I feel that I connected most with the 4th stanza. as Nirvana said the last line is very powerful. You're good at what you do. Don't ever doubt that. If you do... well, write a part 2. (HEY! that rhymes!) :)

    Later,
    Doe

    P.S.- I didn't comprehend the 1st line on the last stanza. If you could please explain that to me I would be greatful. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by dead,yetalive | [ Reply to This ]
      this is melancholy...very beautiful. the emotion is incredible, it really hits you...especially that last line.

    "were you ever really there?"

    it just gives you this unbearable feeling that you are invisible, a child standing on a busy street, crying, and no one noticing...images like that. amazing how you can express your feelings so trongly with the help of a few words...good write! keep it up
    | Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Nirvana | [ Reply to This ]


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