Do you see the Little People? by newerachild

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Submission Name: Do you see the Little People? dots

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Author:	newerachild
ASL Info:	15/M/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.31 - 19/28/18
Words:	99

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nostalgia
Total Views:	307
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	587

Description:
I wrote this, quite some time ago, for a friend who was in desperate need of her spirits being raised after a loved one died.

Do you see the Little People? dots

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Do you see the little people?
They come on the morning dawn
Bringing their blessings anon,
Carried on wings of love
They come from high above,
To bring to you the freshness of a new day
And the hope of a new way,
For you must believe in this little thing
That all your loves take to wing,
Only for the hopes that you will not follow
For they know that this world would be hollow,
And in your warm embrace
We come face to face,
With beauty of the purest kind,
A love that is meant to shine.

Submitted on 2005-07-05 19:19:55 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Reading the title, I was expecting something else...something cultural. But that is my problem now isn't it?

Honestly this was an ok write. As long as it brought upon its intended purpose of cheering up your depressed friend, then it's all good.
Otherwise I just felt this hollowness from your words. You used terms that are so overly ...used that you managed to exhaust me with the idea of these little people.

I mostly take a situation and find an angle that has not been explored quite so much and then I extend that little corner into something meaningful. That's for your future use.

Suven!
| Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Suven7 | [ Reply to This ]
  Yeah yeah yeah... this is the stuff... a great poem... you got the sentiment for a broken heart perfect... the cure for the sickness of loss... beautifuly done my friend... So i'll call this read number one, and chalk it up as a 5 out of 5... take care my friend, sorry this comment wasn't longer, but there's nothing but praise that i have to give... don't let the bed bugs have their way with you

Travisimo
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok. Its a good piece for a friend, but basically thats what its for. Sentimental reasons, and to brighten your friends day. Now I'm not trying to bash your piece at all really, I just dont think its up to top standards.

I sound mean and I aplogize:O/

Your rhyme isnt crazy excellent, and it does flow well, just not into something that is commonly read. This is more of a happy piec eif anything, and is something you would moreso see in a forwarded email.

The title, I also think, takes away from the sincerity of the piece.

I dont mean to sound so crude, because I really did like the piece, but I also wanted to tell you exactly what I thought.

I'll read more of your work soon:O)

-Kayla
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Superman | [ Reply to This ]

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