Swingsets Only Bring Questions by I_Bleed

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Submission Name: Swingsets Only Bring Questions dots

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Author:	I_Bleed_Ink
Elite Ratio:	5.56 - 183/176/53
Words:	119

Class/Type:	Poetry/Nostalgia
Total Views:	435
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	790

Description:
Okey dokey, I reworked some of the meter on this piece...I think it flows a bit better now. Any help would be appreciated! ^_^

Swingsets Only Bring Questions dots

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How many Lives have found their end,
where Time and Thought will not begin?
And where have all the Memories gone,
when the Minstrel’s Mind forgets his song?
Push me higher, faster, farther--
And Feet search sky, pumping harder.

When will we conquer Space and Age,
and face the Hourglass in his cage?
How many candles on Eternity’s cake,
when the Dawn comes crawling to her wake?
Thrust me higher, faster, farther—
And if I jump, become a Martyr.

Why were Words compelled to speak,
and Dreams left to die in sleep?
If cosmic Eye reveals true Love
will Death bring Justice from above?
Drive me higher, faster, farther—
and a Kiss for Breath, we will barter.

Submitted on 2005-07-05 22:42:10 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  Something so simple as a swingset bringing forth the questions philosophers attempt to answer. I like this conceptualizing and so well I remember soaring on a swing. I get a true existentialist vibe from this, that as long as we make one mark, we want to make the next. And then the appeal of this piece is the ways it can be interpreted, and that, I call art.
I like the random use of capitals, well thought out!
peace and love,
Nan
| Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  I didn't read the original so can't really comment on how the flow has improved. However I can say that throughout the poem there is a maintained pace and feeling that I think works very well.
I'm sure we all have that feeling of wanting to know everything, even things that seem to us as being impossible to answer. Yet we ask ourselves anyway, hoping for that one moment of crystal clarity that we so rarely feel.
I love the use of a swing here. For me a swing can mean so many things. It can be the thing that keeps us routed to the earth even as we search for our thrills. It can be the thing that allows us our thrill. It is the repetitive, the constant. All of this could just be rambling but here the swing takes you ever higher and higher, as if they is so end to the gradual motion's limits.
I've almost definitely misunderstood much and included little here but this is a great poem - I like to be confused a little. Many thanks.
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Predator | [ Reply to This ]
  I'm sure i read and commented on the first version of this piece. I seem to remember the title.
This has a constant pace and a well thought out structure. The repeativeness at the end of each stanza doesn't take anything away, as it does in some that repeat, I couldn't find a constructive critism to give you. I normally try too on every piece i comment on. I think this is an all round winning piece, you managed to portray it perfectly.
Danny
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by corruptedspirit | [ Reply to This ]
  i love swings... i really do... when i am angry i head straight for the park and get on the swing (usually at 3am) and im swinging swinging trying to kick the stars... ya know? and the ends of each stanza reinforces the higher higher faster faster of the pushing legs and swinging thing...

the questions you ask are some of the most unanswerable questions of the universe... i always promise myself ill ask god when i meet him (but im not so sure it will be very important then really...)

your meter is quite brilliant... i suck at that kinda thing and have massive respect for anyone who can make it work... awesome work!
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  This makes me feel, well, I can't explain how this makes me feel. We do things just because, we can't explain why. Its like an urge. Can we, can't we. Is it a rush we are after. The rush we get from doing something totally unpredictable, and maybe a little taboo. I don't know, maybe it is just my mind rambling. But this is what this piece means to me.

Very nice, a new fave.

Brightest Blessings,
Crystal
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]
  wow, very well done my friend ^_^ <- my simple smile... I couldn't help but sport one after reading this... asking the questions of life in such a unique and quite beautiful way was refreshing, great... but i'm tryin to figure something out... you have random capitalized words in here

Live
Time
Though
Memories
Minstrel's
Mind
Feet
Space
Age
Hourglass
Eternity's
Dawn
Martyr
Words
Dreams
Eye
Death
Justice
Kiss
Breath

I keep tryin to figure out what they have in common... and i just don't see it... if you could enlighten me as to why these random words are capitalized i'd greatly appreciate it... Where do i go from here... take care, don't like punk kids steal your shoes... eat so very well... die with a smile... live with a bigger smile... fly with butterfly wings when butterfly wings are in your quiver... and shine... just shine... i hope to hear from you my friend

Travis with the metal nose
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  Oh god... I remember this feeling.

You know when your riding a bike and you want to pedal as fast as you can so that you'd know how it feels... or you'll punch a wall for no reason? Curiosity kills the cat... but it makes a man out of a mouse. I think there are different levels of a person especially on things that are forbidden... lik deathwishes... for example. At some point, usually, in something as monotonous as a swing... you'd want to go higher just to see what happens... just to touch the surface. Sad to say... some people lose control and end up falling completely.

I've read a few of your pieces before... but, it's been awhile. I'm not sure if I've read anything like this one coming from you though. Still, it's good.
| Posted on 2005-07-05 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]

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