Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Empiredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Exodus Night Sky
    Elite Ratio:    4.85 - 506/234/44
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Prose/Serious
    Total Views: 1225
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 461



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmpiredots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rusty nails dance on my ceiling
    The flame of my willís candle brings day
    The sighs of apathyís frustration bring night.
    The wooden floor cries , my walls ran dead.
    This is my fallen empire, I live among ruins.
    Wisdom canít be enjoyed.
    Came to know each moment and each thing
    are more precious because they have an end
    Sometime too late.
    After hope thereís nothing left to lose.





    Submitted on 2005-07-06 00:46:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      the decay of an empire... self made or otherwise... never a pretty sight.

    i think theres a coupla things in this write that need changing though... you kinda seem to jump between tenses a lil... most of it is in present tense but then "my walls ran dead"... im thinking it should be run... fits in with the rest of the thread of the write...

    Came to know each moment and each thing
    are more precious because they have an end
    Sometime too late.

    i also feel that this part needs to be revised... i dont think this is as clear as it could be
    are you trying to say that you have realised the value of things coz they all come to an end but that you realised that too late? i think that would be my most logical conclusion from those words but it would be awesome if you could clear that up coz this really is the makings of a really good write...

    After hope thereís nothing left to lose.

    you say earlier in your write that wisdom cannot be enjoyed and while i dont spose this line is one that can be enjoyed it is very wise and very full...
    it is true... if aint got hope you aint got nothing and hopefully there is always a glimmer of hope somewhere... you just gotta be looking hard enough to find it is all...

    even once a mighty empire has been sacked there is still potential to rebuild and while it may not be as glorious as the old empire it still has the same name and knows many of the old empires secrets perhaps making it more stronger than the first...
    | Posted on 2005-08-31 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Very grim. However, your descriptive language and imagery are excellent. It just flowed like an artists brush painting a picture of the pain and suffering of depressiona and loss. I've read many places that there is great power in loss and rejection. They're probably right. There is one thing left to lose = your laughter and hope. Thats always the last thing to go, but there is power in that too.
    Good prose I hope to read many more .
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Arrowcat | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked this alot... it was very well written as well as... well... it gave me pictures in my mind... and i am tired and not quite all there right now... so i did enjoy it... my favorite part "Wisdom canít be enjoyed.
    Came to know each moment and each thing
    are more precious because they have an end
    Sometime too late.
    After hope thereís nothing left to lose. "
    because it is exactly how i feel and i enjoy it as well... enjoy
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Esophagus1 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very good poem... introspective and two the point... the only thing i think there is to bast is you use THE to start off a line too many times in a row... mix it up and bit re word things

    and it will be a great poem

    on the flipside

    -DS
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65494

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Dream written by closetpoet
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Angel Eyes written by poetotoe
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Cover written by saartha
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Love written by saartha
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry