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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: fallingingreen
    ASL Info:    18/f/missouri
    Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 136/141/34
    Words: 55
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 261
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 339



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsuntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    check the itinerary
    you will see
    i will be there before
    the sun can set
    on all of this
    for all of you
    the plane leaves at seven
    behind me a world
    i have grown accustumed to
    now on my way
    outside these walls
    to you
    for all of this






    Submitted on 2005-07-06 12:27:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      nice idea but fix the rhyming and add some substance. you need to add more detail. it seemed incomplete. and interesting title too lol
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by lost omen | [ Reply to This ]
      ya it was cool. i liked it but it was a bit short in my oppion. umm the only line im not so shure about(meaning i dont realy get) is this- I will be there befor(shouldn't it be "i was there befor") i was just wondering but it was good.
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by patrick o_riley | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a good idea but the flow needs a bit of tweeking

    like this line

    behind me a world
    i have grown accustumed to

    could be like this

    behind me a there is a world
    i have grown accustumed to

    with just a few words the flow is patched up

    on the flipside
    -DS
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]
      More detail! It's a good start and an intriguing subject. It just needs a little more beef, you know.
    Keep on writing!
    -Catina
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Boom-boom | [ Reply to This ]



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