A Mother's Deceit by theDevilsPocket

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Submission Name: A Mother's Deceit dots

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Author:	theDevilsPocket
ASL Info:	20 Female
Elite Ratio:	4.21 - 241/155/33
Words:	131

Class/Type:	Story/Serious
Total Views:	375
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	990

Description:
This Piece should have come before
my piece "Mommy & Daddy".

I needed to rid myself of this dark story that has haunted my life.
It is very emotional and precious to me.
Don't be too harsh.

A Mother's Deceit dots

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Unwed with child
During your sweet sixteen,
A filthy little secret
Unwanted and unclean.

Your parent’s affair
Lingered in your mind,
Affecting your decision
Making you blind.

Your father’s lover
Was the Mother,
To the son who was
Your hidden lover.

You watched your child
As she grew older,
Questioning her fathers presence
And still you ignored her.

“Father’s Day” approached
And still she questioned why
Why her father
Was not in her life.

She begged and she pleaded
For a reason why
Still you sugar coated
Your secret life.

Now her sweet sixteen
Is suddenly here
And the truth has unfolded
She’s drowning in tears.

A Mother’s decision
A Child’s disgrace,
Can you love a child
With a bastards face?

Submitted on 2005-07-06 13:27:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  This was dark but I liked it. It had heart and pain in it. Great write!!! Thanks for sharing.
Kelley Frost
| Posted on 2007-11-28 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed this, the story it told. I particularly liked the last line, it was powerful. But I also think that you could add such a layer of subtlety to this piece. You never have to focus on rhyming as much as you did, free verse is just as poetic, and I tend to think it lets you add more imagery and style to ordinary words. Theres more room for rhythm and meter.

Keep it up

Waywardd
| Posted on 2007-07-29 00:00:00 | by Waywarddaughter | [ Reply to This ]
  I really enjoyed reading this poem. I think that it's horrible that anyone has to go through this. The only thing that confused me was the third stanza. But, other than that, it came through clearly. Good work...
-AnGeL
| Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by bubble_popper15 | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow! That was really good. I have absolutely no feedback to give because it's perfect. So, I give you great compliments on this one. Definite add to my favorites.
Kudos!
Katana
| Posted on 2007-07-13 00:00:00 | by Katana Ryoko | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow a very excellant piece that is filled with emotion from beginnign to end but I have to
agree with everyone else the last stanza is quite powerful I really enjoyed this piece a great deal you are very talented and it shows in your writing here . I will be reading more of your wokd this I will add to my favs.
| Posted on 2007-07-10 00:00:00 | by LadyMustang | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, I mean wow...there is surely one helluva lot going on in this piece and one can only hope that its creation was a catharsis for the writer. this one had a grip on the reader similar to polygrip on an old man's dentures.
| Posted on 2007-04-26 00:00:00 | by ErgoIgo | [ Reply to This ]
  "Your father’s lover
Was the Mother,
To the son who was
Your hidden lover."

do you mean a half brother?

"And the truth has unfolded
She’s drowning in tears."
"Can you love a child
With a [censored]s face?"

these 4 lines really hitted me hard.
i really hope that you can look past all the hurt one day but not forget them as they are what make you who you are...
| Posted on 2007-03-29 00:00:00 | by rubymoon | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow... that last line was extremely powerful... this piece was expecially personal for me, as well. It's almost like you took my life and put it into the words I find increasingly hard to live. This was wonderful and I can't wait to read more of your writing. You have a God-given talent, and it shows. Thank you for sharing this.

cheers,
<3 megan
| Posted on 2007-03-01 00:00:00 | by disturbed420 | [ Reply to This ]
  I agree with everyone is saying about the last stanza, it was really powerful. Wow, this was very nice piece, full of emotion. It reminds me of a poem I wrote called "Only Words" - not about the same topic, but about being a poet, and how everyone reads our words, but no one bothers to really think of what we went through to get them. The best poetry, in my opinion, comes from personal hardships - but sometimes, the price of a good poem is quite high, as you demonstrated here. Very, very good. I really enjoyed this work, thanks so much for sharing it :)

Wishes an kisses (you know, the chocolate kind!)

~Mandi Gayle~
| Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow... This work radiates emotion and a deep sense of loss for something that the writer has never had. In it's simple phrasing and word use you have driven a nail into the reader's heart so deeply that they cannot but sympathize/empathize. Excellent work.

Marcusj
| Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by Marcusj | [ Reply to This ]
  Very heartbreaking. This write brings up many questions that some of us will never know until we are actually in a position like this.

A Mother’s decision
A Child’s disgrace,
Can you love a child
With a [censored]s face?

I think that may be my favorite stanza of all because it makes you think how hard it would be to be in that Mother's position.

Very good write.
| Posted on 2006-01-13 00:00:00 | by SorrowfulMind | [ Reply to This ]
  I really liked it. Honest to whatever you want to believe in. This poem does a good job of provoking a lot of emotions. It's perfectly worded in my oppinion.
Keep up the excellant writing!
-Catina
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Boom-boom | [ Reply to This ]
  that was good... i liked it alot with the exception on the 3rd stanza.. i just dint get the relation you were gettin at...
its amazing how u'v managed to convey such pain so accurately.. especially if it comes from personal experience.
i hope everything works out for you.
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Sanjhana | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. I can relate to this. Very much so i can. I agree with Brokensmile. The end stands out. it is a good question. one that i hope i will find a answer to. So far i find that most people only see a person, and not where they come from. But you never know.
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Akai_Ame | [ Reply to This ]
  The strong emmotion here was evident. im sorry you had to go through this, it is a very hard ordeal. such a sad poem, the last stanza really stood out to me.

A Mother’s decision
A Child’s disgrace,
Can you love a child
With a [censored]s face?

tht child is a reminder of your former lover and that in itself can make anybody go off the deep end.
| Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by brokensmile | [ Reply to This ]
  i agree with brokensmile, its a very good piece, that last stanza is definitly my favorite, i've checked out some of the rest of your work and i likei t alot.. keep up the good work, i'm sorry you have had to go thru that, i really am, i hope your doing better though, the poem about my dad is Forgiven and obviuosly as you read the one about my mom Nothing, i really do hope youre doing better, i do wonder about the third stanza though, i do understand it but you mght want to make it a little bit more clear.
Good luck
Keep up the great work :)
danielle
| Posted on 2005-08-04 00:00:00 | by sacred_tears | [ Reply to This ]
  Pretty powerful, especially the last line. You had a rhyming thing going on in the beginning but you dropped it later in the work, it would've sounded better if you kept that up.
| Posted on 2006-11-01 00:00:00 | by Two Meters Away | [ Reply to This ]

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