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    dots Submission Name: Lost in Paradisedots

    Author: xdollpartsx
    ASL Info:    25/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    5.77 - 82/43/9
    Words: 126
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 1589
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 764


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    dotsLost in Paradisedots

    The duvet washes up over our soft naked skin.
    Rounded with rises and mounds,
    Which swell and dance with the movement of our bodies.

    We reflect and let our minds be silent
    And we bath in the sun of each others smile
    Radiating from our sun-kissed souls

    Stretching my legs and toes over what seems like miles,
    Of smooth cotton sheets of white sand
    Then curl back up in him, like a crab in a shell.

    We could have laid there for eternity, and maybe we did.
    But just as a return from a holiday,
    It would’ve been wrong to stay any longer.

    After all, every man is an island
    But we often find ourselves stranded there
    Lost in paradise

    Submitted on 2005-07-06 13:32:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I loved the ending otherwise it was alright but it was the end that hooked me, good writing, good writing..keep it up...

    | Posted on 2006-07-10 00:00:00 | by FarawayFeelings | [ Reply to This ]
      Gorgeous silky smooth imagery - the poem really glides as you read it. Yes, it's erotic - but always in a sensual, romantic way - never crude or obvious. Combined with an uplifting ending, this makes for a really satisfieying read - keep up the great writes.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Von Django | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you capture what love making should be, senseual,passionate,erotic,honest and peacefu. not some pornstar wanna be film festival.

    it was an eloequent write lace with pure thoughts of looking at what happen and how you felt,bravol
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really well written! Started out all hot and steamy, thought we were going somewhere else with this one, but then very nicely expressed feelings ensued! I really like the comparison of smooth cotton sheets and white sand! Yeah, paints a nice picture in my head of spending some mmmm time with someone special! Good poem! Take care!
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      MMMmmm me likey. Innocent and pure love, I was wondering if you'd drift into erotica as it started, but you kept it above the waist and let the love shine through.
    A great start, great middle and a great finish! Great!

    Yeah, there's been lots of poems like this, but I can't think of one that was worded better!
    Well done
    Be Happy
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      The last stanza was tops. That was the one unique thing about the piece. Other than that, what we have here is a fantasy life that has been described over and over again. You have the ability in you to dig deeper. The last lines show it... Go deeper...Intrigue the reader...Make the reader read it again...

    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by xtremegentleman | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't find anything in this write that made it unique or that allowed it to stand out against all the others like it...it was a good piece though... Your last stanza was absolutely beautiful...definitely something that gets one muse going...
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Brownsdelight | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this was so profound, and I loved how you chose to word it, and compare it to a time, or a holiday off at the beach. The words painted a picture on my mind, and you should be very proud because that's not something a lot of poets can pull off. The final stanza was so sad, on how you wanted to stay there forever, but you knew that you couldn't. I think it was very nocely written, and I love the words you chose to construct the image, and "the smooth cotton sheets of white sand", that was nice.
    Peace and love,
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]
      this is a very well written poem... i can think of no way to make it better

    you use your words perfectly to make a picture and a feeling to go along with it

    your ending line is poetic and conculsive and brings round the title

    i like this a lot... its great

    on the flipside
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by playing card | [ Reply to This ]
      I can feel the heat radiating from that love nest! Makes me wish I had a lover of sorts. Enjoyable read. I especially loved the ending. Really shapes the whole poem.
    Stay fresh and keep writing!
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Boom-boom | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes indeed! Erotic, full of passion. Very well written. I disagree, it would not have been wrong to stay longer.lol! I like the way you set the overall scene..."Paradise" A great poem,,,wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]

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