[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: a heart torn to piecesdots

    Author: patrick o_riley
    ASL Info:    16, male, ontario
    Elite Ratio:    3.94 - 70/91/25
    Words: 236
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 936
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1484

       I was basicly writting this because i was thinking of some one who already brok my heart and she continues to. (her actual name isn't Penny i didn't really wanted to put her realy name)

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa heart torn to piecesdots

    Tears are something u cannot miss,
    Even if your asleep.
    Tears are found even when you kiss,
    So don't forget to keep.

    Keep your secrets to your self,
    Don't let any one know.
    Don't let them in keep to oneself,
    This way you will always grow.

    If you have no secrets just for you,
    Your life might be known to all.
    So keep some memories and secrets too,
    Or your life might be not long at all.

    If you find true love don't spread it around,
    It might give you bad luck.
    And if you find she's not always around,
    That doesn't mean you have bad luck.

    If all of your life is dedicated to her,
    Tears will always be found.
    Tears of joy and happiness, will always occur,
    Then it seems your true love bound.

    I guess it's your luck not like the rest of us here,
    We can't find the right girl.
    If only the truth was actually near,
    It seems were in a bad love swirl.

    If only she didn't hurt me so much,
    If only she could see.
    When she gave pain every time she touch,
    Then people wouldn't end up like this, you see.

    She tore me to shreds, into a pile like any,
    Who's been with her before.
    I tell you watch out don't go out with Penny,
    Unless your heart's already tore.

    Submitted on 2005-07-06 15:37:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||

    This was a very good write
    You put into write all the feelings and questions you have about this person and then you used your heart and mind to answer them
    This my friend is perfect theraspy
    How inteligent of someone so young to figure this out
    Excellent Job My Friend
    You taught some adults a very important tool in Life
    Your Friend
    | Posted on 2006-01-28 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      Dude, this is so weird. As much as you may not want to believe it, I was kind of like a Penny. Always trying to get out without getting myself hurt, but not always paying attention to if I was hurting someone else. To be honest, it is really ard to be in relationships because everyone has their own expectations for everything, or you don't like the wya that someone does something or whatever. And then you've got to find time to spend with eachother, and money to go places and everything. It sucks. I once went out with this guy that alwyas just wanted to sit in his room and watch movies and stuff. Honestly, I don't like bieng the arm candy, but it would have been nice to go out sometimes. And it hurt because I thought that he was ashmed to be with me. If there is only one thing that I can share with you, it's that sometimes things have to hurt to make them worth it. Think about it, if everything was straight-forward and always happened to our advantage, life would suck. Not everything comes easy, and loving someone falls into that.

    | Posted on 2005-08-25 00:00:00 | by shmuzzelle | [ Reply to This ]
      Well at least you are making observations about love and pain and all the emotions that seem to torture us...this was a good piece.
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good, also sad. I'm sorry you got hurt. You know what? Life goes on. There's a person out there for you that will cherish and love you unconditionally...better than "Penny". Just don't give up on love. Your flow was good. Your words show the emotional anquish you're feeling. The only thing I didn't go for was the "we can't find the right girl" Everything should refer to you only...
    other than that it was good writing, good expression. Good job! Wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]