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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Dateline Fragmentsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emma_closes
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 88/111/44
    Words: 117
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 714
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 818



    Description:
       I wrote this after a rather moving yet spontaneos conversation with a complete stranger over the internet. I'm not usually the kind of person that has three-hour conversations with strangers...but this was different. It's called "Dateline Fragments" because of the time difference between us.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDateline Fragmentsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    There's an undertone of
    new beginnings etched within
    the endings of a few short songs.
    I'd never hoped to begin again
    and right what had been done.
    But freedom comes from shadows
    that are engraved in every note,
    Because, so silently I wrote
    Small designs into my palms
    and was so quick to write them off
    as something that was wrong.
    But now I see
    the sun has risen,
    just enough to show
    A little piece of everything
    that I had to let go.
    A fragment of my everything
    glinting in the snow,
    and pulled into the undertow
    of a sing-song chivalry
    and a fragmented conversation
    detailing what was me.
    Just one fragmented aberration,
    declaring everything.




    Submitted on 2005-07-06 22:10:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      A fragment of my everything
    glinting in the snow,
    and pulled into the undertow
    of a sing-song chivalry
    and a fragmented conversation
    detailing what was me.
    Just one fragmented aberration,
    declaring everything.

    I REALLY LIKE THAT! and the scheme was awsome and i wish i had something more constructive to say but i dont, it was really great! I dont have to know what you talked about, it was some convorsation that sparked a really great poem. keep it up!
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Maki | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this piece! it's really...gentle, if that word could be used to describe writing. I love the rhyme patterns, and I think that your slightly broken beats followed well with the subject of the poem.

    and was so quick to write them off
    as something that was wrong.

    These two lines basically sum up the way an average person lives their life, and i love the fact that you incorporated that exact wording in there. There is no other way to put it...we find fault with everything around us and and are usually much too quick to write it off as something negative, before even taking a second look at it. I love it...it's really a nice piece.
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by Scribbles1338 | [ Reply to This ]
      The on-off rhyme scheme is interesting. Slightly off-putting at certain lines, but overall, it had a nice flow.

    Yes, random conversations with people on the internet can be interesting. I've chatted to so many cool people I've lost count.

    Though I will say, that I would have had no idea that you had a conversation with someone on the internet. Perhaps what you talked about inspired you to write this piece?

    I like the last two lines of this poem. It seemed to end on a good note somehow, a finality to this piece.

    Well, I'm just rambling. I've commented a lot just to catch up lol.

    It was a good piece, it had meaning and depth, and a slight on-off rhyme rhythm scheme to it.

    Cheers, and peace...
    *Jase*
    | Posted on 2005-07-06 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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