untitled by Akai

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: untitled dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Akai_Ame
Elite Ratio:	4.79 - 223/180/46
Words:	175

Class/Type:	Random Thoughts/Serious
Total Views:	283
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1167

Description:
donno

untitled dots

-------------------------------------------

Regret, Deceit, Disbelieve.
Tears, frowns, bleeding hearts.

Simple words.
Yet such powerful meanings.
I’ve often wondered why?
Who hasn’t, right?
Wondered why in a world once called the promised land,
There would be such words.
Couldn’t it be only cheery ones?
The kind that make you want to sing and hum.

Laughter, joy, love.
Smiles, grins, mended hearts.

Why couldn’t the world be filled with them?
Can’t it be a wonderful place?
One where once things are fixed they stay fixed.
Where everything you fight to make yours,
Stays just that.
YOURS.

Ever hear the saying:
“The grass is always greener on the other side”
I’ve been on both sides.
One full of love, peace, smiles and laughter.
The other filled with pain, sorrow, bleeding hearts, and tears.
It may seem greener on one side more so than the other.
But what the saying doesn’t tell you,
Is that on the greener side there are droughts.
Ones that make it as brown and dismal as the other side.

Submitted on 2005-07-07 01:15:26 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I think the first four stanzas are simple/cliché. That these are things many people have covered in a similar way in many movies and other poetry and writing. It's not poorly done, just nothing that catches me. I could be incorrect.

The final stanza I like very much. Especially the last three lines, "But what the saying doesn’t tell you,//
Is that on the greener side there are droughts.//
Ones that make it as brown and dismal as the other side."

While I've heard something similar in a joke before, I don't feel it is all that cliché. Normally the joke deals with getting to the other side and finding it's the same. Whereas yours shows that it can be greener, but at times it will become just as bad as the other. Which is where the similarity comes in.

Overall, the poem is well-written, I can't say fantastic, but then I'm not anything great either. Take it as you will.
| Posted on 2007-01-23 00:00:00 | by Sir Jimeth | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow. This was pretty good. Unlike many other poems of this nature, I could actually feel and understand the viewpoint of the speaker. His/Her thoughts were natural and consistent with her already revealed personality. In such a short glimpse, he/she opened up avenues for philosophical thought and soul-searching.

There were three things in particular I enjoyed.

One: The contrast between the first/second stanza, and the third/fourth stanza.

Two: The reference to "the promised land." It fit well regarding the rest of the poem.

Three: Reference to the cliché: "The grass is always greener on the other side," and giving it new meaning in relation to the speaker.

Fantastic job, overall.
| Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Tissue | [ Reply to This ]
  I can totally relate to this.. especially the greener grass part.. been there too and its no fun.. I really liked how you expressed so many different things but they are all related
very well writen..

hapi holidaz
Penny
| Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
  Very interesting thoughts. It took me awhile to get my own picture of what you were thinking in relation to me. Selfish I know, but I can see where you are coming from. You see, I dwell in that land of sorrow that you speak of. I know that happiness is a step across a low picket fence, however, I stay here, I need to be able to write and for some reason only the powerful words that dwell in sorrow produce the mental pictures that I thrive upon. I shall resign to this melancholy fate of mine only to achieve a fractal piece of happiness through the tears, in a land of tears it certainly will rain often.
| Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Kenji Light | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.