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the sun is overhead


Author: fallingingreen
ASL Info:    18/f/missouri
Elite Ratio:    3.56 - 136 /141 /34
Words: 114
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 1113
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 781



Description:




the sun is overhead



a small vase lays pirrouetted against time
as it catches
sprays of aerousal
arousing death in innocent sunflowers
outlined against the concrete
of a mind made of picnic ant trails
stealing crumbs to survive
these thoughts are merely left-overs
pushed to the ground
from dirty, disease infested park benches
scars from what it means to be original
not the originilaty of standing out only to be fake and cliché
wrapped tight in blankets of summer winds
caught in the anticipation for autumn, red and brown, leaf pillows
the petals of this growing generation
on stems of laughter trapped within wires
holding us together
all of this will become shadows in time




Submitted on 2005-07-07 10:17:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Man... Like I said a long time ago, I wish for one day I had your talent, the way you word things, the way you see this world, I wonder what it's like through your eyes, amazing work. Altered sight is right, do you know how amazing your work is? lol Great job.

Tom
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
  This was G-R-E-A-T! The first line itself was special with you expressing with the word pirrouetted. Your flow is so genuine. You captured all. It's powerfull! Your describing method is so easy to follow on what you are saying. Your flow is unique. Your words are strong and colorful. Great poem, great composed piece of work. take care...wanda
| Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
  this was beautiful.
it was just all around well written and portrayed.
i loved the ending.
it was perfect harmony with the rest of it.

'wrapped tight in blankets of summer winds
caught in the anticipation for autumn, red and brown, leaf pillows
the petals of this growing generation
on stems of laughter trapped within wires
holding us together
all of this will become shadows in time'

this was just reallly perfect.
i dont think i would change a thing.
it flowed well, it was really a reality check though.
it was something that we all have to do.. die.
but sometimes we dont really think that way.
it was very original.
i liked your format also.
simple but very effective.
a very powerful and deep piece.-
jennifer
| Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
  I think you are a word genius. This is like amazing work, and I love how you said "arousing death in innocent sunflowers", and I also really love the line "scars from what it means to be original", and you said it versus the people who want to stand out for the sake of standing out, even though they can't because all they know of standing out are the stereotypes that they happen to have caught. It was a very strong poem, and the final lline made me sad, because all that will be left will be just memories. Made me feel like crying. Anyways, wonderful poem.
Peace and love,
Aya
| Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by EmpathicAya | [ Reply to This ]


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