On the Top Floor, in the Dirt -------------------------------------------
When you're on the top floor
Sexless and defiant
The bodies you stand on
Muted and compliant
Burning through dreams
So fast
So beautiful
It cant last
I hope you don't mind
When you
Wake up and see
I cant give you more
Than a place in the dirt
With me
This was the epitome of "who am I and wtf am I doing here" poetry. Its irony, a hard skill to master. If you're at the top of the building, are you really at the top? You feel a heck of a lot crappier than the people down below, and that all you are and all you can give. You hope they'll accept you for who you are.
Hmmm...sounds like a meaningless "throw me down in the dirt" sexual orgy excapade, HA! Dont know if that was the meaning of it, but thats what I got...hee-hee. It had some cool twists and turns to it as well which made it enjoyable to read. Anyway, just what came to my head. Have a good one and keep smilin'
I like this! I agree with mikki, I think it is like the two of them are of different classes but their love is all they need. The flow was great, and I like in the beginning how you, at least I thought, you descibed their dream, like a hope they have and then say don't be disappointed if we don't get it, good write. -Cre
This has a very nice flow to it. Like your other pieces I've read, it 's a smooth read, an easy read. I like that. Very curvy. It has a sensual feel to it, but dosen't divulge that fully within the writings. I really do enjoy the way you write, and I hope to see more from you in the future.
This was good. I really like how this was written. Well this is what i got out of it. I read it 2 times and i got the same thing both times...I think it is about someone who is struggling to get by...but their love kind of keeps the 2 people together. PM me and tell me if it is right...or you can even drop a note by on my page. Thanks so much! The first part kind of throws me off a little bit. I kind of got my interpretation from the end. I think if you added some commas or something it would make the flow go a little bit better. Great job on this...
Submission Name: On the Top Floor, in the Dirt
