Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Missing fatherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WandWielder
    ASL Info:    21-f-maryland
    Elite Ratio:    4.42 - 55/62/16
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 682
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1079



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMissing fatherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    My head is confusing, hearts in a spin,
    A world that's on fire to hell it is kin.
    From start to finish our path has been pain,
    Forgotten innocence lying dead and slain.

    You came and you left, the truth never knowing.
    Though in young heart my pain was growing.
    My guiding light I was supposed to see;
    A role model to love a person to be.

    Instead what you were was the demon of fears,
    A shadow of hate that reduced me to tears.
    An image in the future of what to guard myself from,
    A beacon of warning for all that would come.

    Those of my future would be weighed against you,
    An invisible barrier they could not break through.
    So why in my life have I searched to fill a hole?
    Avoid in my heart a darkness in my soul?

    A guardian, a protector, I have searched to find
    Someone to fill the hole that you left behind.
    I may never know the answer to this,
    The small simple question of what did I miss?





    Submitted on 2005-07-07 15:04:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      hey I really liked this poem. Hated that it was depressing but it was written good. Until I moved on my 10th birthday I never really saw my dad. The only memories of him from the past are riding a bike, setting up the pool and goind to church once. But now I see him everyday and I know more about him. This poem ws very good. -james
    | Posted on 2005-09-04 00:00:00 | by musclebound350 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked this a lot, there are so many missing parent poems out there, but this one is definitely one of my favorites. A suggestion I have for you is this...

    Those of my future would be weighed against you,
    An invisible barrier they could not break through.
    So why in my life have I searched to fill a hole?
    Avoid in my heart a darkness in my soul?

    A guardian, a protector, I have searched to find
    Someone to fill the hole that you left behind.
    I may never know the answer to this,
    The small simple question of what did I miss?

    You used the word Hole in both those stanzas, perhaps in the second stanza, change the word "hole," to "gap." This will do away with the repeat, but I do not wish to try to make your writing my own, write it your way, just suggesting :-)

    Take it easy
    Tom
    | Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very sad but lovely - you have real talent.
    My favorite line because it is so true and said so well is;

    Those of my future would be weighed against you,
    An invisible barrier they could not break through.

    I hope you do not seek as many do, replicas of him. Abusive uncaring men. good luck!

    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Popeye | [ Reply to This ]
      this is sad no one should not question who their father is
    I'll share with you my father is a good man a little hard at times but love him for it
    a little tough love does not hurt that bad
    and i know he loves me
    do you want to share ?
    you made your point very clear the pain
    is still their

    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by littlepoet | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65679

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry