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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Good Boy / Bad Toysdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: LameMansTerms
    ASL Info:    36/M/Hermosa Beach, Ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.31 - 713/1012/165
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 679
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1101



    Description:
       titles aren't comming to me....so if it sucks .....oh well........
    this is not me -about me......this is not denial.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGood Boy / Bad Toysdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I take this very serious.
       Getting my fill...Just lieing still.
         2 things that make me delirious.
    But my laughter runs deeper than my pain.
        There in which lies the problem.
         And my Shame.
    A dependency
       to my addictions.
        Conflictions with Time ....
    And in Time lies urgency.
    Confining with a Silver Lining.
    The Struggle with trying to get out,
    while trying to get them in me.
    It's Killing me...
    So I ride with the tide,
    and cry with the little boy
    that still dreams that it's gonna be alright.
    Better days are just up ahead.
    Nothing has slipped away.
    And none of this is ever said.
    For such a good boy,
    I sure found a lot of bad toys.
    My inner child has become a bitter little fucker.
    Who isnít getting any younger.
    When will this subside?

    lamemansterms





    Submitted on 2005-07-07 17:32:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I have to say, to me, that this is your best piece of work! the rhyme scheme is so well put together...rhyming within the lines and not at the ends helps bring maturity to the poem while reading and makes the readers work harder to get it...but it's not hard and very well written. I especially liked the part about crying with the little boy...shows innocence is still present, i loved that! I'm starting to wonder though, do you struggle with drugs and addictions, because i've been a fan of yours for a long while and have been absent for a long while and coming back brings back memories and I see that your new material mirrors the themes of your old material. just wondering...but you're pure genius reguardless...i enjoyed this tasteful piece!
    | Posted on 2005-09-10 00:00:00 | by Tinasha | [ Reply to This ]
      Better days are always ahead. If those are the days you choose to pursue. Don't worry...I'm a good girl with some bad toys...*bites finger*...but they are fun toys!

    I liked the way you aren't afraid to really expose yourself like this. Instead of choosing the positive things...you chose what you feel should be revealed.

    Great!

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2005-08-26 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      *sigh* I can't help but love your work, Hun. ^_^ Let's see...what to comment on this one?

    My favorite lines are,
    "So I ride with the tide,
    and cry with the little boy
    that still dreams that itís allright."

    Of course, there's always the obvious...spelling errors, punctuation, etc. But I really don't feel a need to point those out in this one...it seems almost blasphemous to mention them. This piece is so sad and hopeless-also a bit two-faced...I love it! ^_^

    As for the title: I actually love the title, but some how it doesn't fit this poem. Just my thoughts, but it really doesn't seem to work with the work it represents. Sorry, I don't have any suggestions, although I rather enjoyed the "bitter little [censored]er" line. LOL! Overall enjoyable, as usual.
    | Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by I_Bleed_Ink | [ Reply to This ]
      hey there sweet baby...
    man...I f*cking love this.
    seriously...
    i feel that this says some things that are so real life, maybe hard to accept.
    i see now why you liked rage now.
    anyway...
    i especially like...

    Conflictions with time...
    and in time lies urgency.
    Confining...
    With a silver lining.

    talk 2 ya later hun.

    CC
    | Posted on 2005-07-16 00:00:00 | by C. Starr | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not sure if I totally understand this poem but to me it is saying that the older you get the less time you have in this world, so get things done while you can, but this might just be my inner interpretation of this whole scenario we call "life". I like this poem a lot though. At times it seems confusing and a bit choppy, but if you are talking about life here (and I strongly think you are) then that fits right along with commen characteristics of life: at times a bit confusing and choppy with well known certainties just sort of thrown in there. I rather like the title. I don't think you should change it at all, unless of course you find one much more suitable. Well, thanks for the read. Talk to you soon my brother, PEACE.
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by ConScribe | [ Reply to This ]
      hi.
    i like this.

    i dont know all the technical names for stuff right now but i really like how your words all sound together... they kinda tumble out of my mouth as i read them and fall awesmely... (and i have me a place in comment hell for this comment... im sorry...)

    the end is poignant... rhetoric question that needs answering... the lil inner child (traditionally completely weak and vulnerable) a 'bitter lil fuc.ker' completely challenges all the usual connotations with 'inner child poetry' ever... i like that.

    the shame and dependancy comes through in this but also perhaps the desire to end the addictions and yet a completel unknowness of how and what life would be if it was possible to be ended...

    i dont know if the war is ever won...? ever over...? answer a question and theres always another one... i dunno...

    sorry about the incoherrance of this comment but i really did like this write
    | Posted on 2005-07-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      The Struggle with trying to get out,
    while trying to get them in me.
    It's Killing me..


    *shakes head*

    oh the ambivalence. Gawd, I love reading your poetry. The concept of this is clever, and well, I love the way you play with words.

    My inner child has become a bitter little [censored]er

    I can't say I've ever heard that before!
    this is so original... well, like most of your pieces.

    thanks for the read my fav lame man
    | Posted on 2005-08-14 00:00:00 | by pennyroyal tea | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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    12. Does it feel original?



    65689

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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