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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: American Dream Therapydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 61
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 710
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 405



    Description:
       This is a rsponse to everyone who's struggled for possessions at the expense of health. The dream you chase may be the nightmare following you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAmerican Dream Therapydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hope your husband has treated you well
    Your 2.5 children are wholesome and good
    Your middle-class mansion is neat as a pin
    And none of your values are misunderstood

    Otherwise hush or the stumbling dark
    Will whisper its wit as you slide to your knees
    Wondering when the nightmares began
    Slithering with skin like a shocking disease





    Submitted on 2005-07-08 00:47:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Help help you yelp a bit
    the diamond glove will never fit
    the shine of superficial sky
    the snake to charm is the gardening kind

    King Me Queen Me they would claim
    for checkers was their only game
    making money just to claim
    that fame itself is the new game

    but bored games break and they were pawns
    to the wholesome hearts that mowed the lawn
    for the workers loved and the workers knew
    that in their small homes, a better garden grew.

    (i wonder if you've ever been tested for savantism. You respond in poems so well. You may be just exceptionally talented at on the spot poetry, which is more of an accomplishment. Mine probably happened when i fell on my head down a concrete stairwell. but if you literally just think this internally, like you think poetry, you might want to get that checked out. I project that a lot though. I guess that more than it is true.)
    | Posted on 2015-09-15 00:00:00 | by ShyOne | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the message of this, I like the concept and I agree with both. The mansion being as neat as a pin had me scratching my head for more than one reason, but I think this poem is better than the comments you have received thus far suggest.
    | Posted on 2005-12-29 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      yes this didnt seem to flow very well. didnt really give me anything except the message. hmmm i think thats about it. but we all do get the message.

    brenna
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Day DreaMeR | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the message, but for some reason, it just doesn't flow well to me. The rhyming and then not. Maybe it would be better as a free style. Anyways, you got your point across very well.
    LeAnna
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by RedRoseofBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      I'd say this is a bit of a satire. A very good one though. Unfortunately, I've nothing more to say, except that I agree. So this is simply me rambling so that the site will let me leave you this lovely comment. Ta-ta!
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by AngelOutlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Bill,

    Thought I'd visit some of my favorite elite poets very first posts, just out of curiosity.

    I kind of liked this one myself. The woman has the exact average American everything. All is exactly as it should be, even down to that half a kid. But woe be to the soccer mom who dares to scratch below the surface, or God forbid, close her eyes.

    As for me, I'm still chasing that dream, sadly enough. My house isn't quite middle class mansion, and it sure hasn't reached pin status in the neatness category, and I only have 2.0 kids, who are fairly wholesome but not always good. And the values are never as cut and dried as we'd like them to be, are they? So you see, your poem hit me right between the eyes!

    Annie
    | Posted on 2006-09-05 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]


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