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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I miss...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadows Life
    Elite Ratio:    4.4 - 127/127/27
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1078
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1106



    Description:
       i dont know what i was aiming for in this poem it started somewhat as just a monologue with a bit of rhyme but then i delved into deeper things hmmm lol i dont know i guess i let the pen... or keyboard take control :)


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI miss...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    i miss waking to the early morning dew
    i miss sunshine cause it reminds me of you

    i miss the beauty of those stary nights
    i miss surrendering to you without semblance of a fight

    i miss the trees and flowers and all forms of nature's growth
    i miss freedom and sanity for its been long since ive had either of both

    i miss the promise of tomorrow that glimmered in your eyes
    i miss the sweetness of my sorrow when u hid behind lies

    i miss autumn in its early morning rain
    i miss the joy of being with you,hell i miss the pain

    i miss the sweetness of our first kiss
    i miss the happiness of basking in eternal bliss

    i miss alot of things as time goes by
    ill probably still miss them till the day that i die

    then my soul may join yours in the heavens above
    and we may teach the angels of the glories of love

    but for now i slumber in rememberance lost
    ill keep on loving you my sweetheart no matter the cost





    Submitted on 2005-07-08 16:59:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is real good. I like the story you converyed and it was so touching and beautiful. I just have a few things I would like to point out. Firstly in this line

    "i miss the joy of being with you,hell i miss the pain"

    there should be a space after the comma before the word hell. And also in these line or rather stanza

    "i miss the beauty of those stary nights
    i miss surrendering to you without semblance of a fight"

    I felt it a bit weird that you would rhyme nights with fight when its actually night and fight that rhyme. It no real big deal just felt I should point that out but I'm sure you know. Anyway, like I said I liked this and really enjoyed the read.

    Keep up the good work and have a blessed and most wonderful day and God bless. Thanks so much for sharing.

    | Posted on 2006-04-25 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Love......it can be such a headache. You love em...but you know that the love is better lost....then that makes you think...if I can't have the love as completion then maybe it wasn't love at all. But no matter what you wallow in it and you keep believing in it. And you hold onto it. When in all actuality....you should let it go. For love should never cause pain. It should never walk away. And it should never leave you alone.

    The best love of all is love in ones self. WHen that love is found and you learn to hold onto that love...any other love can be conquered.

    This was a very "daydreamy" kind of piece. I know that I have fallen into this level of emotional turmoil at one time. It hurts....but....it can also be an emotion that one can over come.

    Much love,

    LI LI
    | Posted on 2006-03-29 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I read this tentativetly to start with because the number of syllables in each line varied, which made it hard to establish a flow to read it. But aside from critisisms, it got better towards the end as those deeper things came in. The last stanza is a great statement, until the end, nice work.
    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this a lot. And yeah, you probably will miss those things until the day that you die. But it eventually gets easier to live with. I don't know, thats just how it was for me. I guess I got used to not having those things anymore. I love the way you put it into words. I could feel the emptiness and longing in every line. It actually made me kind of sad, which nothing has been able to do in a while since I've been taking so much celexa. But I guess thats a good thing... I love poems that make me feel. I would tell you my favorite part, but I would end up copying and pasting the whole thing. This is definitely a favorite. Good luck with everything. Great job :-)

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, I know what you meant here, but I don't know if you said it in the best way.
    Repetition is hard to get away with, sometimes it works, but not here (not for me, as this is only my opinion)
    The lines just don't make sense "you miss the sunshine" why? You're not gone, she is...like I said I know what you mean, but dunno about the way you put it across. Maybe it's the word "miss?" Sorry.
    Be Happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      its corny, but most love poems are. this one though is specific and you don't get a lot of that. i really liked how you talked about everything that wasn't relevant to the significant other but was related since everything around you reminded you of him/her. it's sweet that you mention that eventhough the relationship wasn't all good, it was all worth it.
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by denial | [ Reply to This ]
      To say you had no idea what you was aiming for, well let's just say you did a heck of a job. I like this. You described in sweet detail how much you miss that person. You know that person is special when you said you even miss the pain. Now that's L-O-V-E! This is a good write no matter how you first started out. I loved the ending, "I'll keep on loving you my sweetheart no matter the cost" That's even a greater love. Yes indeed. Good write! Wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]
      That is so sweet and so haunting at the same time. I have felt this exact same way, the end of a relationship due to circumstance and people who just have different ideals. It sucks!

    Indigo
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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