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Breathe Clean

Author: k.o.malley
ASL Info:    28/female/seattle
Elite Ratio:    3.77 - 50 /66 /30
Words: 313
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 766
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1680


This about a friend of mine that woke up one day at his ladies house and realized before he hadfallen out he had been up for a week or so. At that moment he decided to come to me and try to get clean from Meth. I wrote as he talked and at one point this could of been a lot longer but i think this sums it up.

Breathe Clean

Finally he falls asleep, short of breath and a little weak
Not concerning himself with how common he could be, sitting in traffic anxiously awaiting to begin another week.
He awakes toward the end of another dull gray day, with rested eyes he realizes it's not safe to stay in this place.
Slowly he rises from where he had laid his head so many times before, trying to find his way through the door.
He knew right away that he had forgotten something along the way; he slows down for a moment and then he remembers to breathe in then out slowly.
What once seemed so simple and free, no longer comes with ease and that feeling of genuine release.
And although the light of day has already gone about its way, he can still clearly see that nothing here is as it should be.
He rises to his feet and walks away without the shame of defeat, taking only what he needs, his word, his dignity and his chose to be free.
Finding himself to be a little weary and unable to rest peacefully, I ask him to lie next to me and to tell me his story until he is able to sleep.
I prey for him to dream sweetly as he begins detoxifying his body, but the days linger as the hours pass so slowly that he begins to weep.
Then he spoke to me about what he has done and the possibilities of what could be, he knew time was ` priceless and should be traded by none.
He walked away and left me with a promise that we would talk of change another day, "the air seems to
have a taste"….it almost seems sweet" Those are the words of a man I know who walks steady,
With out speed.

Submitted on 2005-07-08 17:19:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  Hey, I really felt what you were saying here. A lot of my friends like the ride and so does my brother. I think that he might even be addicted. Nuff about that.

Your piece as is, looks more like a random thought just put to paper. If you could break it up a little, that would already be a great improvement.

I like the rhyme that you have going. You have a meter that is used quite well, but your lack of structure makes it hard to keep to that meter.

Either way, that is my thoughts. I like what you had to say here.

| Posted on 2005-07-12 00:00:00 | by K | [ Reply to This ]

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