Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Part In Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 220
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 701
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1564



    Description:
       It was an assignment I had to do for my English class. The purpose of it was to mimic the style of the poem "There was a Child went forth" by Walt Whitman...We were supposed to think of a day that changed us...This was everyday in my life...It's not that hard to see what it was about


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPart In Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    The empty apartment became a part of me,
    And old musty mattresses
    The brown, sagging, packed boxes with tape,
    The dead silence
    And the hard concrete walls,
    The empty vase, and the colorless atmosphere.

    The busy streets
    And crowed sidewalk
    The beautiful trash,
    And the gurgling sewer
    The birds perched high on telephone lines,
    And the sweet, sweet smell of jasmin
    The white picket fence,
    And little butterflys,
    This all became part of me.

    And the even taller fence that held the children in
    Those who laughed, played and cryed,
    The monkey bars,
    And the tether pole,
    Laying on their backs to look at the deep blue sky,
    The park benches,
    Little paths worn from little feet,
    The ice cream man,
    And dandilions,
    They all became a part in me.

    The broken glass and picture frames
    Glass scattered upon the floor,
    And riped photographs
    The blood and tears
    Mommy crying, daddy screaming,
    And fighting words, fighting sounds,
    Bitter resentment, hate lain across thier face,
    No more photos on the wall,
    This all became part of me.

    The midnight walks
    Outside the gates
    Bright stars and the bright moon,
    The dragon flies and mosquitos
    Crickets in the night,
    Slamming doors,
    Howling dogs,
    Fresh, sweet air,
    They all became part of me.





    Submitted on 2005-07-08 20:10:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You wrote this for english? Help me out because i have a problem with writing something i'm told to write. I usually like to go with the flow. This poem sound like your in Newark, or New York City or one of the cities. It was very vivid and gave me a clear picture of your surroundings. This was a nice poem (notice i sound all smart..i am smart just not...yea). Keep writing because as much as i love to write i also like to read what others write.
    Much Luc and major support,
    Danni
    | Posted on 2005-10-09 00:00:00 | by Poeticprincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Wonderful vividry here. They way you describe your life is wonderfully haunting, full of memories that are both good and bad. You captured so many moments so beautiuflly, that I can feel myself being there. I can nothing bad about this poem... you have done a very good job and are very gifted with the craft of writing.


    Peace

    Indigo Kid
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by Indigo Kid | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. The budding life of two worlds. One sadden by emotional pain plagued by hurtful surroundings. The other one your ideal fantasy of escape. You grasped the want so strongly it became a real part of your life. You overcame but you don't forget. Memories will always be a part of you whether good or bad. Bad ones can be overpowered by the good ones. This you have done in your wordings. Good poem! wanda
    | Posted on 2005-07-08 00:00:00 | by bigfineq | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    65795

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    A Donde Llegamos written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Release written by robbie
    The annointed one is persecuted. written by MyPeriodical
    Untitled written by taintedsmiles
    Next to you written by robbie
    Tired Vine written by MyPeriodical
    I am still sorry. written by MyPeriodical
    Their fine denial written by MyPeriodical
    Behest [krb + drb] written by Daniel Barlow
    Giant written by MyPeriodical
    Sanctimony written by MyPeriodical
    Remedies written by MyPeriodical
    I am a sorry son. Part two written by MyPeriodical
    Thinking too much written by taintedsmiles
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Comparisons written by MyPeriodical
    Blues written by TheStillSilence
    Two hundred and seven times written by MyPeriodical
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Labor Pains written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    MY VERY OWN DEATH written by Ethan Brody
    HeroĆ­na written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Canalizar written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Remember written by MyPeriodical
    written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry