The Song of my Life by Traveller

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Submission Name: The Song of my Life dots

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Author:	Traveller
ASL Info:	43/Male/Alaska
Elite Ratio:	5.33 - 59/46/7
Words:	118

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	212
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	687

Description:
This was dedicated to my wife.

The Song of my Life dots

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To be owned
and known so completely
you have mastered
the song of my life.

You caress my soul
as the strings of a harp
you play the chords of my heart
trapped in your embrace

The melody tells our story
the peaceful strokes played
with your tender care
to the turbulence of your sadness
spoken in verse

The rising and ebbing
of emotions grown to fullness over time
plays out the symphony
of our lives in music

Enthralled by the music
your love plays
I beg only of thee
don't stop playing me.

Submitted on 2005-07-09 12:11:09 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  Ahhh...! Such a beautiful love poem this is! Your wife must have just loved this poem. It is truly beautiful. I like how you compare your love to music and your wife as the musician. It is a unique write as I dont believe I have read one similar and that is so refreshing! I love the last couple of lines especially:
"I beg only of thee, dont stop playing me."
That is so romantic and lovely! Very well written and expressed with such sincerity! Awesome poem! Take care!

Lorna
| Posted on 2005-09-06 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
  I enjoyed that you portrayed being played as something positive and not how it's oft referred to as now. A symphony of love!
I liked the flow and structure and wouldn't change a thing!
Love,Peace,Joy!
| Posted on 2005-07-18 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  Ok you've convinced me, you're hopeful, I'm hopeless.

I liked all the musical references, they do get to know us so well, dont they.

Every now and then they surprise by pre-empting our thoughts and knowing exactly what we really want or need.

Nicely done, I love a good love poem.

be Happy

Graeme
| Posted on 2005-07-17 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice little read. Its a sort of 'ekphrastic' piece in a sense.

Right off the bat i thought hmmm.. a 'song of life' categorized as a 'love' poem. Now it makes perfect sense.

Sorry, but i gotta tell ya' that although i am way, way down with all the 'thee's and 'thou's in poetry...its a bit antiquated now. You might switch it to 'you'...you might not.
later, kc
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a nice (possibly beautiful) poem of mature love and quite an achievement for it is always easy to write love poems to a new sweetheart and even easier to an unrequited love, for we write such poems at a time when we are hormonally driven to write poetry. Mature love of a married couple is more laidback, less passionate and in a sense less inspiring of verse. There are not many words that rhyme with love (above, shove, dove, glove). Yours is a poem where, if you wanted, you could actually get away with "hand in glove". Seriously, I like your poem and if I have just a tiny niggle, I think that, although music is the general them of your poem, the identity of the subject musician and the object (instrument or opus) wanders inconsistently. I enjoyed the read.
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by hanuman | [ Reply to This ]
  this is a really sweet poem... sounds like it should go along with some light acoustic in the background...

i liked this piece, though some of your ideas weren't the most original (you play me like a harp), the words you chose to use to express these ideas helped them to flow out so beautifully... and somehow it seems easily.. nothing sounds forced here...

one thing i have to critique is in the last two stanzas.. when you read them through.. mostly the last two lines of the one and the first two lines of the last, it kind of seems repetitive.. the use of the words 'plays' and 'music'... when read separately they sound great.. but together.. i dont know.. it just.. i get caught up in repitition sometimes and it makes me veer away of the meanings and then i have to go back and reread again...

i love your last two lines... really sweet... it gives a nice completion to the poem.. and expresses your love very well...

overall, i think this was very sweet and well written and should make just about any girl melt...
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by besodemuerte | [ Reply to This ]
  WOW! this is really really good...it's beautiful!

From the first verse to the last it's absolutely inspiring and wonderful...
"To be owned
and known so completely
you have mastered
the song of my life. "

You see, usually when someone refers to being owned it's a negative way-but yours is just lovely "you have mastered the song of my life"
when I first read the title this did not come to mind-I didn't think it be about your lover...your wife-man, she must be happy you did this for her...
"You caress my soul
as the strings of a harp
you play the chords of my heart
trapped in your embrace "
This is my fav. part b/c the way you describe her and what she does for you plays so smoothly into the act of music
wonderful job-
Well done
-stacey-
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by idlewriter | [ Reply to This ]
  Wow, ya see my dad will send my mom an occasional random bouguet of flowers, but i don't think he's ever written her a poem to go along with it... yer wife had to have loved this right?? i mean though it was simple, it was pure and of lovely intent... I enjoyed the title. that's what caught my eye, that's what drew me in, that's what made me read, and that's how i was able to enjoy this so much... so bravo on that account... i think the short simple lines allow for a more innocent tone for this, which isn't bad, especially dealing with love... sooo it appears you did everything right with this... take care my friend... and don't go fallin down any wells...

Travis
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha | [ Reply to This ]
  This was so beautiful. It is such a lovely poem. I love the whole idea of the poem. The music, the passion and everything else. Completely truly love it. This is what I like to hear at a time like today. It made me feel good. Cause I'm not in the best of mood.
I wwouldn't change a thing!

Stephanie
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by XxStephyxX04 | [ Reply to This ]
  Such a lucky woman, your wife. This was truely beautiful. The song of love plays on and on, and the musicians never grow tired.

There is absolutely nothing here to critique about, except for the fact that you have it all.

Beautiful and heart felt write. Well done.

Brightest Blessings,
Crystal
| Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by lenotoire | [ Reply to This ]

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