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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Falling To Lifedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Samuel Bielz
    ASL Info:    21/M/CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 151/182/46
    Words: 267
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 347
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1553



    Description:
       This entire poem is metaphoric....the needle.....the breeze.........the silk sheets.......falling.....all of it. I broke it up into three dialogs. I hope you all like it


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFalling To Lifedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I feel this cool breeze wrapping itself around me,
    Like sheets of pure silk, it envelops me.
    It frieghtens me, this gentle breeze,
    For it is growing stronger, and more intense.
    I fear it will rape me of my balance,
    So long I have been up here on this needle's tip,
    Balancing so high up above the world.
    So distant from the cruelties of the world,
    So distant from the frailties of love.
    I was comfortable, than I met you.

    Was it you who created the breeze that consumed me?
    Was it you who stole my comfort?
    I am falling now, at 100 mph.
    I've fallen from my 10,000 ft needle.
    I feel so afraid, I fear i will fall to my death.
    Why did you make me fall?
    Did you think I wanted to die?
    I've lost all control of my safety, for you stole it.
    What do you get from knocking me from my needle?
    You dont even know me, you seem quite the sadist.

    What is this I feel? I am no longer falling.
    You have caught me in your wings, like an Angel
    I feel a new comfort, greater than my needle's.
    You give me a life, you give me happiness.
    Where did you find the key to my heart?
    What have you done to me baby?
    Your love is an ocean, so strong and true,
    That I can cast my all on its tide.
    Thank you for saving me, and taking my strife.
    When I thought I was falling to my emotional death,
    I was actiually falling to life.




    Submitted on 2005-07-09 15:24:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      wow im so glad that you finally posted new poems. as for this i really did love it and im sure if you show this to whomever it is for they will love it to sam. great job another fave for me lol. i love the description of the peice and just the over all flow of it. its really really good. one of the best ive read by you yet i think. anyhow take care...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-07-13 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      i really really like this alot!
    i think that it all flowed really well, but maybe a little bit of the middle could be altered a little.
    this was very well done,
    the wording and discriptions were very cool.
    this seemed realy deep and was packed full of emotion.

    'What is this I feel? I am no longer falling.
    You have caught me in your wings, like an Angel
    I feel a new comfort, greater than my needle's.
    You give me a life, you give me happiness.
    Where did you find the key to my heart?
    What have you done to me baby?'

    i really like that part.
    the ending was really well done.
    the whole thing fit together and was just well written.-
    jennifer
    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      it started off well, but in the middle and the end it sounds really forced, i don't know why, but in my head it sounded like i was listening to a robot.. maybe because it kept repeating "my needle".. and all of the questions took away from the rest of the piece.
    however, the last line was amazing:
    "When I thought I was falling to my emotional death,
    I was actiually falling to life."
    i really like that line.
    | Posted on 2005-07-09 00:00:00 | by fallingingreen | [ Reply to This ]



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