I sit in front of you, face to face. As silence begins to fill the room. I think to myself, what is he thinking? Am I the one on his mind? Or is it someone else?
The silence is broken, "A penny for your thoughts?" He says. "I don't know," I reply. Yet I'm screaming inside, " I DO, I DO KNOW!" I finally tell him, "I'm thinking... I'm really happy right now, being here with you."
"A penny for yours?" I say. "How do you put a price on your thoughts?" He says. Damnit! He's right, how do you put a price on them. Godsh, I feel like such a fool now.
That was part of what I was thinking though. He's so smart, he always knows just what to say and when to say it. Then I begin to think to myself. Maybe theres a reason why he doesn't want to tell me what he's thinking. Maybe it's a bad reason.
I begin to space off as I worry and imagine what he's thinking and why he won't tell me. I look at him, as he looks at me. For some reason all my worries are washed away. I trust him, theres nothing to worry about. Everything else becomes blurry and all I picture is him and I.
I see us together, together forever. Even though I know that more than likely that will not happen. I have to live right now, take the time to appreciate what I have. What I have right now is him. I have him to be by my side. I don't want to lose that.
The days go by, I feel him fading away from me. There aren't those loving, comfy days where we just sit and cuddle while we watch our movies. I know that somethings wrong. I try to talk myself out of it. I try to tell myself that, even though I haven't seen him in a while, everythings going to be alright.
Then the night comes. Lone behold, just as I suspected I hear those words. The words I've been dreading forever. The conversation I've worried about since that first day.
It was over. My heart broke, it sunk so deep that I could not save it for anything. I want him to be happy. I sit day after day and tell myself, this is what he wants, this is what makes him happy. I want him to be happy, I keep telling myself but my heart doesn't believe me. It ignores me. I nostalgia for him, I want him back in my visions with me. Not far away with different feelings from me.
I have an infatuation for him. I long for him. I try to tell myself not to but my heart won't listen. Now I wait and wait some more. I wait for the day when I meet that someone new and my heart is able to move on. I love him, I do. I always will and I hope he knows. I hope he knows that forever and always there'll always be him in my heart, in his own special place.