Description: I know this writing is totally different from any of my other work but I wanted to get a serious issue out in a differnt way.I may seem weird so tell me if you get stuck.
Didn't see it coming -------------------------------------------
Street man: Prostitutes get slained
Nobody knows their name
Prostitute:Old man your'e crazy
Go home to your old lady
Street man:This really ain't the way
To get your money for the day
Prostitiute:It pays for the things I need
Cause in these streets you
gotta succeed
Street man:It only pays for your weed
And what your pimp needs.
Man pulls up in a blue 2000 FORD truck.
Prostitute:Hey!How you doing baby?
For $50 I'll be your lady !
Man in Truck: Well go ahead and hop in.Tell
me how much can I spend.
Street man:Don't step in that car.
He is drunk.He just came from a bar.
Prostitute gets in truck.The truck drives off.
In the morning the street man buys a newspaper to only see a tragedy.
NEWSPAPER says: Last night a woman was found slained and covered in a pool of her own blood in a blue 2000 FORD truck. Its believed that she was a local prostitute and her meeting with a client went bad.Knowone can identify the woman.But it doesn't really seem that she was only 15.
OHHHHH. Tragic really tradgic, no not the poem of course that was good, but what happened to the girl was tradgic. This poem really does bring you back to reality. knowing that this type of thing can happen to a 15 year old is heart breaking. This really is a serious matter and you've really hit the spot on this one. It makes me think why do these girls put them selves out on the street, where is their family, is that really what they feel they need to get along in life??? I guess these questions will never be answered. Anyways I'm thinkning a lil to much. I thought this poem was good. Keep on writing. Oh and i cant wait for "too opened up (pt4)".
This is a very sad and all too common story. I like the way the ending brings you back to the opening.
Small issue, in the last paragraph I think you meant no one or none.
This clearly portrays the scene and the tragedy. For that it is right on target. If it is what you wanted it to be, it is an awesome piece.
From the readers point of view I think I'd buy into it better with a bit more set up. Why or where were the people talking? Here they seem more like two-dimensional characters.
Just some other thoughts: Would the street man say prostitute or hooker? Would it be a man in the truck or a john or a trick?
Thanks for going there on this one. It is not any easy place visit. Chrystine
Submission Name: Didn't see it coming
