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    dots Submission Name: Didn't see it comingdots

    Author: shombray
    ASL Info:    18/F/Texas
    Elite Ratio:    5.31 - 103/91/26
    Words: 393
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1386

       I know this writing is totally different from any of my other work but I wanted to get a serious issue out in a differnt way.I may seem weird so tell me if you get stuck.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDidn't see it comingdots

    Street man: Prostitutes get slained
    Nobody knows their name
    Prostitute:Old man your'e crazy
    Go home to your old lady
    Street man:This really ain't the way
    To get your money for the day
    Prostitiute:It pays for the things I need
    Cause in these streets you
    gotta succeed
    Street man:It only pays for your weed
    And what your pimp needs.

    Man pulls up in a blue 2000 FORD truck.

    Prostitute:Hey!How you doing baby?
    For $50 I'll be your lady !
    Man in Truck: Well go ahead and hop in.Tell
    me how much can I spend.
    Street man:Don't step in that car.
    He is drunk.He just came from a bar.

    Prostitute gets in truck.The truck drives off.
    In the morning the street man buys a newspaper to only see a tragedy.

    NEWSPAPER says: Last night a woman was found slained and covered in a pool of her own blood in a blue 2000 FORD truck. Its believed that she was a local prostitute and her meeting with a client went bad.Knowone can identify the woman.But it doesn't really seem that she was only 15.

    Submitted on 2005-07-10 04:00:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      OHHHHH. Tragic really tradgic, no not the poem of course that was good, but what happened to the girl was tradgic. This poem really does bring you back to reality. knowing that this type of thing can happen to a 15 year old is heart breaking. This really is a serious matter and you've really hit the spot on this one. It makes me think why do these girls put them selves out on the street, where is their family, is that really what they feel they need to get along in life??? I guess these questions will never be answered. Anyways I'm thinkning a lil to much. I thought this poem was good. Keep on writing. Oh and i cant wait for "too opened up (pt4)".

    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by Natie | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very sad and all too common story. I like the way the ending brings you back to the opening.

    Small issue, in the last paragraph I think you meant no one or none.

    This clearly portrays the scene and the tragedy. For that it is right on target.
    If it is what you wanted it to be, it is an awesome piece.

    From the readers point of view I think I'd buy into it better with a bit more set up. Why or where were the people talking? Here they seem more like two-dimensional characters.

    Just some other thoughts:
    Would the street man say prostitute or hooker?
    Would it be a man in the truck or a john or a trick?

    Thanks for going there on this one. It is not any easy place visit.
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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