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    dots Submission Name: far awaydots

    Author: sword stalker
    ASL Info:    18/female/home
    Elite Ratio:    2.57 - 27/27/16
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 674
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 477

       i was writing about my ex and he called and sed he wanted me back and i sed no but... this is what i really feel...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfar awaydots

    I sit alone,
    With only my thoughts,
    And memories of times past.
    I sit here sad,
    Wanting to recapture,
    Times we’ve had.
    I sit here crying,
    Longing to feel your embrace,
    and your kiss.
    But all of these,
    I cannot have,
    You're far away.
    Two hearts apart,
    Yet so close together.
    Longing for each other,
    Yearning for the time,
    When we won’t be far away...

    Submitted on 2005-07-10 06:42:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, the poem was relatable and easy to follow. But I think the use of imagery is an important component in writing poetry. There wasn't much rhythm, but I'll admit it had a natural flow. I think there is more you could do with this poem, it being a rather good piece as it is.
    | Posted on 2005-07-11 00:00:00 | by lorn_strixx | [ Reply to This ]
      First off, I'd like to say that I'm very sorry that things aren't going so great right now. Cheer up though, things will straighten themselves out eventually...they always do if you keep a positive attitude.

    Second, I'd like to say that I did indeed enjoy this poem. It certainly had a lot of meaning and portrayed your feelings in a way that I could easily relate to...I've also been through the same thing with my ex-boyfriend. Personally, I think that the piece was a bit short...I suppose I have a preference for longer reads. Also, I think that you could improve it by adding meter...a steady rhythm would make it flow better. All in all, it was very good, and I think that you have the potential to do great things with this particular poem. Good job! :)

    Calo anor na ven
    -may the sun shine upon your road-
    | Posted on 2005-07-10 00:00:00 | by Angel-of-Avalon | [ Reply to This ]

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